Andee's Birthday's Coming Up...What Useless Piece of Plastic Will Grey Get Her? (Inside Joke, related to a really old Dana Carvey stand-up show on Comedy Central that A and G FREAKING LOVE)
Next week is Andee's 25th birthday, and she's really excited!! She is constantly on Grey's ass to throw her the most awesome birthday bash this tiny town has ever seen, since Andee threw Grey an awesome surprise party that Grey knew all about because Andee told her what was going on so that Grey could essentially plan her own party because Grey is anal like that party last November.
We asked a couple of days ago for your ideas for presents for Andee. We got one lovely suggestion of a piece of toast dressed up like a vampire, and Grey is totally going to make that for Andee. She practiced last night and only set the smoke detector off once. Because nothing says "I Care Deeply" like a homemade gift. Made from a piece of toast. Dressed up like a vampire.
We've come up with a few more suggestions of awesome Twilight themed gifts that Grey could get Andee, and--how neat is this--they all fit into the theme of A Twilight Night At Home with the Hubby.
Every great evening at home with the hubbster starts out with a delicious homecooked meal, so Grey's first gift, this fantastic Twilight cookbook, will surely give Andee a recipe so divine, Hubby will be putty in her hands.
Page after page of Twilight inspired dishes, like Mushroom Ravioli, Chicken Enchaladas, Steak and Baked Potatoes, Lasagna...if a meal was mentioned in Twilight, it's in here!* And to top it off, the author's last name is MEYER(s), too! What a douchy way to cash in on sort of sharing Stephenie's last name coincidence!
*Note: We don't know what the hell kind of recipes are in here. You know we just make crap up sometimes.
Next, after Hubby is well fed, it's time to get him in "the mood." And the best way for Andee to do that is with Grey's next gifts: A Twilight bra and pack of condoms! (Cause Grey is a slutty whore who likes to make sure others get their slut on, too.)
Even though we're total sexual deviants, we're not going to get into a discussion of how Andee is supposed to use these. Everyone can use their own imagination about how Andee and her husband do it, ok?
There may be one problem with the bra and condom gift, however. Andee's hubbster doesn't particularly like Twilight. In fact, he may or may not be one of those guys that absolutely loathes Twilight. Ok, fine...he is one of those people. Probably just because Robert Pattinson is so freaking hot. Guys are so jealous...and they call us catty. You haven't heard catty until you hear a guy talk about how "gay" Robert Pattinson is.
So unless Andee seduces Hubby in the dark, if he finds a Cullen crest buried in between her boobs, or sees the Twilight condom wrapper, she's toast, and not the adorable Edward Cullen kind, either. He'd probably kick her out of bed. And if that's the case, Grey's last gift is something that Andee can snuggle up with to help ease the lonely night.
A snugtastic Edward crochet doll!!
The description for this handmade marvel:
This 100% cotton, hand-crocheted 14" doll comes with a flaxseed and dried lavender filled stomach. This snuggle Edward even has glow-in-the-dark skin.
After all...Real Men SPARKLE!
To make Edward ice cold and experience him the way Bella gets to, just put Edward in the freezer so his flaxseed chest will get nice and cold.
And all this time we thought Edward's chest was made of rock hard abs.