Thursday, May 27, 2010

Big Balls in Cow Town (That is a song. I remember singing it when I was little riding in the car with my grandma. I can only assume she was singing along, too.)

Just a quick post today:

Before I start my work day, I always take an hour or so a few minutes to cruise some of my favorite websites. My favorite groups of websites to visit are the websites--checking out funny furry kittehs and goggies, epic fails, demotivational posters, hilarious facebook blunders, etc. It makes my insides feel all warm and fuzzy. In that "I found something funny" way, of course.

So I was on yesterday when I found this:

My first thought was NOT "What the hell?", which is actually pretty indicative of how far into the Twihole I've followed the white rabbit. (Or would it be Jacob's red Rabbit? <----That's probably another indicator right there.) My first thought was actually "Look at the balls on that chick" because, let's face it, it takes some big ones to show up to your prom toting the lifesize cardboard image of one of the most famous actors in the world portraying a mythical fictional character from a young adult vampire romance novel/most popular motion picture series ever.

And she's enjoying it. I would LOVE this. For my senior prom, I had to take my fiance (then boyfriend), who is adorable and fun but not at a prom. He wouldn't dance, he was pissed that there wasn't "real food", he didn't know anyone there because he was from another town, and he wanted to leave early but couldn't because I was on the clean-up crew and we had to go to a breakfast. So by the end of the night he was so tired that he fell asleep on the ride home and burned a hole in the fabric of my car with his cigarette. And we didn't even get to do it, but honestly, after he tried to set my car on fire, I wasn't really in the mood.

So no, Chick Who Took Cardboard Edward To Prom, congratulations. I'm glad your skirt was long enough to hide your giant cojones.

P.S. We wear WAAAY dressier gowns to our high school's prom, but I guess when your hometown is located in the middle of a field, any excuse to dress up results in going all out and then some.

Update: Here are Andee and I in all our 18-year-old glory (and our 18-year-old bodies)! *Sigh*

Monday, May 24, 2010

You Got it, Dude!

So today, I check the tweets ( or "check ze tweets" because every time I get on Twitter each morning, I sing the silly song from Craig Ferguson's show) and I find pictures of Rob out and about. He's heading back from a work out, apparently. Rob's fans are awesome, because they quickly ascertain that Rob is holding keys in the post-workout pics. Keys...which must mean he's driving again.

Remember when we saw him driving the Porsche down the hill from Stewie's house last year? And he looked a little funny in that car, like maybe that car wasn't really his personality, and then all of a sudden the car went away? And we found out later in a New Moon press interview with Entertainment Weekly that Rob actually wrecked it?

So Rob's back in driving action, which is sweet, except I imagine driving is pretty nerveracking for him. You know, because he's British and we drive on the opposite side of the road. Or because he's being chased by swarms/hordes/herds of paparazzi, and they're making traffic conditions a little unsafe. Or, maybe just because Rob is, well....Rob, and those wonky legs trying to accelerate, brake or change gears is just too darn adorable. The taxi cab and the short, drunk walk home were invented for Robert Pattinson.

So, to recap--pictures with keys, which means he's driving again.

And then I see this picture, and there are no words. Seriously, the words don't immediately come. I am drawn, drawn I tell you, into what exactly had to happen in order for THIS to happen:

Rob. At Uncle Jesse's house. For Danny Tanner's birthday party.

And then, the pictures click. Rob driving. Rob drinking at Danny Tanner's birthday party. Getting ready to leave. Danny's shouting obsenities at the top of his voice, and only pauses his joke about vaginas to shout "Peace out, motherf*cker!" to Rob as he leaves. Uncle Jesse passes Rob, ball cap in hand, in the front hall, takes one look at Rob's hair, and utters a low "Have mercy..." under his breath before walking away.

Rob, a little tipsy, fishes the car keys out of his pocket. He really shouldn't drive, he thinks, but it's just around the block. He slides into the driver's seat, puts the key in the ignition....

.....and then this totally happens.

We'll hear about it soon, in some press article for Eclipse. Kristen will be all, "Remember that time you thought R stood for radio and you drove your rental car through John Stamos' kitchen?" and Rob will mumble something that sounds like "Well, if they had labeled it GB for Go Backwards, this never would have happened," and Taylor will sit there and pray that no one asks him to catch grapes in his mouth. Again.

*Super Conspiracy Corner!*

Rob at John Stamos' house.

John Stamos with Rob Zombie in this Twit Pic

Rob Zombie entertaining KStew with his lovely music, which includes a song called "Dragula" which sounds suspiciously like "Dracula" but really is a play on words from the car in "The Munsters". Or that's what Wikipedia told me

You totally see it, right? Rob linked to John Stamos linked to Rob Zombie linked to Kristen Stewart? And the fact that this Rob Zombie dude shares a whole lot in common with a certain vampire young adult novel we all love? Well that's good, because I don't. I just thought it was an interesting coincidence. Certainly not further divine proof that Robsten exists. No, nothing like that at all.

Grey loves all her Forkheads!!!

Friday, May 21, 2010

It's a Wonderful Night for Eyebrows

The Eclipse machine just keeps cranking out more wonderful. Today as I drive around the mega metropolis that is Dothan, Alabama, I can not only jam out to Gaga's Alejandro (thank you, @calliopeblabs, I got that song because of you and Roberto) but also to Muse's Neutron Star Collision, the lead single off the Eclipse soundtrack. I'm guessing the phrase "Neutron Star Collision" is just a euphemism for "Falling in Love". Or maybe just "Having Sex". I guess I'll go with "Falling in Love", because in Eclipse, no one has sex. Well, maybe they do, but not Bella and Edward.

The first time I heard the song, I immediately thought of Queen. I also thought of how much I didn't like it. And I'm such a mega nerdy Twilight fan that I HATE when I don't like something that is (officially) Twilight related. I guess I'm super loyal, or something (Like a dog? That's not flattering at all). Especially the Twilight music. I want to like the music so bad, because the music is the emotional heart of the movie. So I made myself listen to the song again. And I liked it a little more that time. Again--liked it more. It took a couple more plays to fully appreciate the sweeping epic love ballad that it is, but now I love it. It's on my iPod right after Alejandro, and when it plays, I feel like I'm right in the middle of the rock opera version of Eclipse. "Because our loooooooove, will last foreeeeeeeeever, and if we dieeeeeeeeeee, we'll die togeeeeeeeeether." Good stuff.

Earlier this week, the USA Today outtakes were released. I loved the whole article, and especially the photoshoot. Because anything that can get Kristen Stewart to do this: f*cking awesome.

Ok, I have to stop because I can't concentrate anymore. What I'm about to say is so random and not Twilight related at all. Everytime in my adult life I've heard the word "euphemism", (from the 1st paragraph) I automatically think of a Dr. Suess cartoon. All I can remember is that I loved it, and a little kid got locked in a box. (Which actually, as a child I should have *not* liked that, but whatever. I was weird.)

Whatever, back to "euphemism". So after I typed the word, I immediately thought of Dr. Suess. And since I was sitting right in front of a computer, and Google is being so effing awesome today, letting us play Pac-Man, I finally thought, "Hey, why don't I find out why I think of Dr. Suess when I hear the word 'euphomism'," and so, only one Google search later, I found the cartoon. It's called "Halloween is Grinch Night."

I've linked to Part Two and Part Three here.

Now I feel bad about getting away from Twilight. Luckily about 5 minutes into the cartoon, I found my Twi link. The very first words out of the Grinch's mouth are "Hmmm, it's a wonderful night for eyebrows." Why yes, Mr. Grinch, it certainly is.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Alright, STOP. Collaborate and LISTEN. Rob is back with a brand new HAIR TRIM (We tried. Honest. YOU try to make "listen" rhyme with "haircut".)

Y'all, exciting things are happening in the Twilight universe, and somedays, it's all we can do not to jump up from our office chairs and do a spontaneous happy dance in our cubicles. (Grey: Or closet, if you're Andee. Come to think of it, she actually *could* do a spontaneous happy dance in her closet because no one would see it. I'll have to remind her of that.) Eclipse, Eclipse, ECLIPSE everywhere--talk show appearances, new clips, new posters, tickets on sale, official merchandise previews, new stills--it's enough to blow a Twifan's mind. Just typing about it makes us do little tiny "squee's" in the privacy of our own heads and about every five minutes on GTalk. Here's some of the recent stuff we love (and love to hate, unfortunately):

We'll start out with Rob's new haircut. It's cute. We like, but to be honest, we'd like anything Robert Freaking Pattinson did with his hair, face, fingers, toes, belly button lint...Rob's all good. (Grey: But I can't help but see the hair and think.....oh gah, I can't say it..........ok, it reminds me......of.......Vanilla Iceicebabytoocoldtoocold!!!!!)

Hot Rob with new haircut on Ellen. Other than Ellen and Rob looking like twins (do you see that? DO YOU SEE THAT???), there is nothing weird about this picture. Rob is hotness.
This is Vanilla Ice. Not hotness. Total coldness, no pun intended. Ok, fine it was totally intended. Rob, Grey apologizes for her traitor brain betraying you (Twilight reference, anyone?) by associating anything about you with Vanilla Ice. Please don't stop loving her.

Obviously, Rob debuted his new hair on the Ellen show, where he was also felt up on national television by an Aussie flight attendant, who failed to correctly identify him from two other guys. Now if instead of Welcome to Forks, Y'all, we ripped off a super famous/super freaking fortunate website that gets to meet Stephenie Meyer like LTT/LTR and called ourselves Letters to An Aussie Flight Attendant Who Got to Feel Up Robert Pattinson, our letter would look like this:

Dear Aussie Flight Attendant Who Got to Feel Up Robert Pattinson,

First off, we hate you. You got to lay hands on the precious. You got to lay your hands ALL OVER the precious. There's no way we could be friends with you. You're probably a nice girl, but the jealous envy seeping continuously from every single pore in our bodies like a certain oil spill that had better not threaten our ability to eat delicious seafood or the livelyhood of said seafood fishermen or the wildlife that we *aren't* considering eating but that call the Gulf of Mexico home would certainly get in the the way of polite conversation. Also, the huge clumps of your hair in our hands would probably not help, either.
Secondly, Aussie Flight Attendant, you seriously couldn't pick out Rob? You must not be a Rob fan, becuase every good Rob fan knows you go for the fingers. Have you seen what the man does with his fingers? He can bend them backwards WHILE bending them forewards, for Pete's sake!! (Who is Pete, by the way? Does anyone know?) I know you may have thought, "Go for the shoes, he'll be the one in sneakers," but Rob totally had you fooled there because he wore his big boy dressy shoes!
In conclusion, Aussie Flight Attendant, we don't like you because you got to grope Rob and we didn't. We also know you can't be a real Rob fan because you couldn't correctly identify him while blindfolded. But we guess all your future airplane passengers should be grateful you're not a huge fan, because it wouldn't be very sanitary for you to hand them their complimentary peanuts with your "I'll never wash these hands again" hands.
Andee and Grey

Next up is the Bella/Rosalie clip that Nikki Reed debuted on Ellen this week, on the day that we belatedly heard was her birthday. Poor Nikki. We feel like sometimes she just doesn't get very much love. Is it because her character is such a bitch? Is it because Nikki seems bitter sometimes, maybe because KStew finally gave in and started making out with Rob instead of fake making out with her? Whatever--we love Nikki AND Rosalie, and Nikki does some pretty good acting in this highly ironic clip.

What we didn't love? The wig. We're tired of saying it, and we think that maybe we'll just stop because it's always gonna be the wig. We were just a little upset because we had such high hopes for Rosalie's hair this movie. All the pictures have indicated, at least to us, that her hair, while indeed being recognizable as a wig, would not be totally sucky. And at the first wide shot, we still had hope, but alas, both Bella and Rose's wigs were not good. What was good was the acting--Nikki knocked it out of the park, from the disdainfully chuckled "Hate?" to the wry "I don't particularly like you..." to the emotionally honest admission that she envy's Bella, Nikki was spot on as Rosalie. No Oscars here, but if there's an award for Accurate Portrayal of Secret Envy Disguised as Hate for a Human by a Vampire, she would win it. And even with the wigs (or maybe because of them, in Bella's case), Rosalie totally looks like a hot supernatural being when compared with Bella, which wasn't what we always felt in New Moon.

This shiz is getting long, y'all (That's what sh- Nope, nope...too easy. Wait until it's harder. THAT'S WHAT SHE SA- NO, still too easy) so we're outta here. Maybe tomorrow we'll show you the beauty that is KStew's supermodel pose in the USA Today outtakes and go over the new Eclipse TV spot, "Destiny." Until then, our sweet Forkheads. Until then.

Monday, May 17, 2010

WHO'S WHO: The Bad Vamps

Well, today was a very special day for our friends at LTT and LTR--those lucky chickies get to meet the Goddess Herself, Stephenie Meyer!!!! And QUESTION HER!!! Congrats to them!!!

We were totally hoping that somehow our blog was one of the losers in that magical hat Steph drew out of...

Anyway, onward and upward, to your last look into the Forks High School Class of 2010 Yearbook. So get out your favorite pen and prepare to sign Eric Yorkie's crack (Did you guys do this in elementary school? I totally did in 5th grade and got in so much trouble...) or craft that ultimate admission of your unrequieted love for Jessica Stanley in her yearbook (that you stole from her bookbag during lunch) on the page in the candids section where you two were actually in the same picture because of the bomb threat drill, cause this is it!!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Tonight, Everything Will Be Alright

This week hasn't been fantastic. Tuesday I had a tummy ache that lasted until Wednesday, which made me miss my important out-of-town meeting. The tummy ache morphed into---and I have NO CLUE how this happened--an effing cold, so today one of my nostrils is completely clogged. Thank God for small favors, least I can breathe out of the other nostr....oh wait, that one is slowly clogging, too. To top off all that disgusting personal information, my home loan didn't approve, so now we're back to square one--looking for another property. All I want to do is be able to get married and have a home so that I can have sex all night long with my husband start a family become a real adult decorate it.

Sad face.

But NO, I say. I will NOT be Debbie Downer. I will not wallow in self-pity. I will not cry. I will not have mad temper tantrums. I will not go and buy myself something shiny. (Ooooh, that sounds fun. Maybe I will.)

"Why not, Grey?" you ask. Thank you for asking that, because that question was exactly what I needed to set up my next paragraph.

Because tonight, gentle readers, at the stroke of midnight (ok, so technically tomorrow) Eclipse tickets go on sale on Fandango. And I will be sitting up--Kleenex shoved up my one nostril, popcorn in lap, credit card propped up on the keyboard, Coke in one hand and mouse in the other--waiting to buy those bad boys. For me and my best friend in the whole wide world, Andee.
Fandango. Apparently it makes you good to go. Go where, Fandango? To the bathroom? To the Bahamas? Where, Fandango, where?

What kind of Twilight superfans would we be if we didn't already have this epic event planned, y'all? I mean, we're probably already two months behind all the superduperfans, but hey, we've got busy lives and clogged nostrils. We're going to get our tickets now, relax until June 29th, show up at the movie theater like 5 hours early, with bag chairs and an iPod Touch with Twilight AND New Moon loaded on that puppy, and wait patiently to see shouty Edward and tongue-rapist Jacob. When the little girl fans start to get on our nerves, we'll start playing tricks on them, talking about how excited we were to be able to get the special Amazon Pre-Order On Tuesday June 8th At 12:15am Exactly with American Express ONLY Edition of the Eclipse soundtrack, becuase Mr. Boombastic was the exclusive bonus song, you know, from the secret scene that plays after the credits in which Bella tries to seduce Edward by giving him an awkward striptease while "Mr. Boombastic, clearly fantastic" plays in the background.
Which Mr. Ro-ro-ro-mantic will she choose?

So whatever you do, DON'T LEAVE THE THEATER, no matter what kind of dirty looks or threats to be escorted off the premises the theater ushers give you.

So I'll be on the Tweeties tonight, Forkheads, ordering my tickets and making this week worthwhile.

Maybe I'll even have a little picture for you...

UPDATED: With picture! While waiting for midnight, my sniffles persisted. So Mini New Moon Edward brought me a Kleenex.

For me?

Oh, Edward! They even have ALOE! You are the best boyfriend/pretend boyfriend/action figure ever!

P.S. I am deeply sorry for these pictures. G.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

WHO'S WHO: Wolf Pack Edition

oday, we're continuing our look into the Forks High School Class of 2010's yearbook Who's Who section by focusing on the Wonderful Wolf Pack! If you missed out on the Cullen's yearbook pics, check them out here!

And since they didn't have a picture for Seth/Boo Boo Stewart, we had to make our own.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Cullen Bras, Forks, and a Decapitated Head---Happy Birthday, Andee!

This weekend was our very own Andee's 25th birthday!! So I decided to give her an awesome birthday party, just like she gave me for my 25th birthday last year. (I still to this day don't know how many people she had to sleep with to get New Moon released right near my birthday, but I am eternally grateful to her. And it's STILL paying off b/c Breaking Dawn will be released the day before my 27th bday in 2011, so everyone involved was obviously very satisfied. Thanks, Andee!)

First of all, I want to say thank you to everyone that reads this blog for helping make Andee's bday super special. She really enjoyed all the gifts and gags that related to the blog. It was truly a Welcome to Forks, Y'all birthday.

And now, a photo album of Andee's 25th Birthday:

It began with a card that I customized because I can't help myself. I'm a customizer.

Why yes, it *is* what you think it is. I totally made Andee a Twilight Bra. (Don't worry, I got her a gift certificate to Victoria's Secret so she could buy some new undies for me to customize as well. See, I told you.)

Cake time!! Don't you like the cake design? Do you recognize it? CORRECT, it's Andee's decapitated head from my dream. Best part? Andee loved it. Even better part? No one at the table thought it was weird. We have great friends.

Andee got to eat her decapitated head cake off a New Moon plate. She wiped the chocolate off her mouth with a New Moon napkin. And she wore the Burger King New Moon Crown of Awesomeness.

This is the part where you special people came in. When it was time for Andee to eat her cake, I told her she may need a fork. I then gave her all the birthday tweets you guys sent out tied to their own plastic forks.

Andee loved them, and loved that you guys wanted to wish her a happy birthday!!! Thank you so much to everyone who reads our blog--we really like writing it and we're very thankful that you fabulous people read it. You make our weekdays, birthdays, EVERY DAY special!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

WHO'S WHO: The Stars and the Cullens

When the Eclipse promo pics rolled out, the very first thing Andee and Grey thought about was high school photo day--all the good little Cullen, Wolfpack and Volturi kids lining up in the high school auditorium for their 5 second flash of immortality for the year. (Well, in their case, for the rest of their lives, but that is totally not the point.)

The most important pictures you could take, though, were your senior pictures. And above that, Who's Who pictures. Because in Who's Who pictures, not only did you get to showcase your personality, but you also got to cement your future self--all your hopes, dreams, aspirations, talents--right there on those glossy yearbook pages. Because, of course, the labels you earn in high school ALWAYS predict your future. Always. Most Likely To Succeed wouldn't go to jail for drug-related charges. Most School Spirit wouldn't despise sports night at her house, and Best Buddies remain friends to the bitter end.

So we've given the Twilight Saga: Eclipse kids a place in the Forks High School yearbook. Here they are, your Who's Who of 2010.

Next: The Wolfpack!

*Special Note: Both Grey and Andee were Who's Who back in high school. Grey was Most Likely to Succeed, and Andee was Most School Spirit. Needless to say, Grey has not ever been arrested on any charges, drug-related or not. Andee really does hate sports night at her house, though.