Monday, November 14, 2011

So let's just pick up right where we left off, shall we?

According to the info at the top of my Blogger page, it's been 9 months since our last post. Some of you may have weeped when you read that. I apologize. Stop weeping.

Life's just been...real, man. I got married and got a new house, Andee had a baby (5 months old now!), and we had to wait a really long time before the next Twilight movie. So we just sort of...let it go. I'm still on Twitter, desperately trying to get @jasonsegel to notice me.

But I inadvertently created some Welcome to Forks, Y'all material when e-mailing Andee my opinion of the BD soundtrack. So I thought I'd share what I thought with you guys, too. 

A couple things you need to know--first off, the very first thing I told Andee was that the whole soundtrack was slow, sappy love songs. To be fair, I was listening to it while sorting through my filing cabinet, so I was obviously not paying close attention. Secondly, this is meticulously copied and pasted straight from my e-mail's "sent" folder, so just roll with it.

So without further ado, here are Grey's Vitally Un-Important Thoughts of the Music of Breaking Dawn Part 1:

1. End Tapes--even though I said they were all sappy love songs, the 1st song actually has a upbeat tempo. I can't tell what they're saying though. It's probably because I'm typity-typing and can't hear over the keys. Nope, I just can't tell what they're saying. Vote: I like it, but WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, SONG??

2. Love Will Take You--the horn is a little weird. Again, this one actually has a little beat to it in the back ground. Nice vocals.  A dude and a little voice girl always sounds good. Vote: Good, but I'll probably need to see it in the movie to be like, SOO GOOD. (Note: A few more listens and this song is now dangerously close to SOO GOOD already.)

3. It Will Rain--this is the Bruno Mars song that has already been released. It's good, but since it seems like the first singles from the Twilight soundtracks never make it in the actual movie, I bet it will be in the credits. But I like it. I already bebop around singing it. That and A Thousand Years, but we'll get to that one later... Vote: Like it mucho mucho.

4. Turning Page--Ok, this is the one someone said could be when she dies. I guess it's the lyrics "If I only felt the warmth that's in your touch, if i had only seen how you smile when you blush...I would've know what i was living for..." It's almost like looking back at something he had. Sweet, sweet. Maybe my favorite so far. I love the voice. It's a weird dude voice, but it's super cool. More listening and now my vote is : I LOVE IT. (Side thought: Oh geez, what if it's a JACOB AND NESSIE song?????? NOOOOO.)

Note: This song. THIS SONG. I changed my mind very quickly after sending Andee this e-mail. I decided this was a "first time" song. But then I kept singing it in my head and picturing poor Edward standing there, looking down over Bella's lifeless body, and I almost lose it every time. Inconveniently, this always happens in the car. THIS SONG. This is the very, very best song.

5. From Now On--Ok, I eat my words. This is an upbeat song too. I don't know what I was thinking. So far, typical indie rock-ish song. Feels like stuff that's been on New Moon and Eclipse. A little part of it actually sounds childish, like music from a children's song. Vote: Like it, won't skip it.

6. A Thousand Years--This is the other song that's already been released. I walk around singing it too, but there's something about it...I like it and it's good, and it's very clearly an Edward song, but maybe it's a little...uncreative? I don't know exactly how to explain it. Like it's too obvious? Obviously wedding-y? I like the music to be a little weird. But it's good, and like I said, I sing it a lot. In fact, I'm singing along right now. The video for it is already out if you want to watch it. This is that Jar of Hearts girl, btw. Now THAT was a good song. Vote: Like it, won't skip it.

7. Neighbors--Ok, never listen to me again. This is like a soft core rap song. Obviously, it's not just a slow soundtrack. I was REALLY not paying attention. I haven't even listened to the whole thing again, and I like it b/c you know how much I love a soft core rap song. Dude's name is Theophilus London. That alone makes this a good song. Vote: rock it, Theophilus.

8.  I Didn't Mean It--This is YET ANOTHER NOT SLOW SONG. I love the beat and the melody and the "whoo-hoo-oo". Lot's of "I said I didn't mean it" being thrown at you. But definitely good to stomp around the house while sweeping. Vote: If I said I didn't like it, then I didn't mean it. :)

9.  Sister Rosetta--This is actually not an original song. And since they've shown clips of the honeymoon (Bella getting her "human minute") we know where this song plays. It's cute and it goes well with Bella freaking out about losing it to a really hot vampire. P.S. Again, not a slow song. Vote: Cute, cute, cute. (See, it really helps knowing where it goes. It can influence your opinion.)

10. Northern Lights--Oooh, bells. I love bells. Little bit of a techno beat back there, too. Actually reminds me of a Britney song. Vote: Like it.

11. Flightless Bird, American Mouth Wedding Version--OMG if you get chills when Bella and Edward dance at prom, you will SOB at this one. SO HAPPY they tied the first movie to the ending ones. Oh, it's good and it will be so, so sweet in the movie. If I was a cryer, I'd be doing it now. EDWARD AND BELLA 4EVER. Vote: Love.

12. Requiem on Water--The title is more like a funeral song, but the song itself is not sad enough. (Note: Listening to it now, is it about a dead body in the water? B/c that *would* be sad enough, I would think.) It's just pretty and makes you feel like you were in the middle of a pretty lake on a gently rocking boat on a pleasant day. Does that make sense? It's also really short. Vote: like it.

13. Cold--Now this song has a creepy sadness to it. It's got to be a song during a "bad" part of the movie. I love the chick's voice. Ok, this song is very haunting, really goosebumpy. Vote: Love.

14. Llovera--This is actually sung by the girl that plays the nomad vampire Carmen in the movie. She's an opera singer. Vote: It's ok.

15. Love, Death, Birth--it's just instrumental music. I usually skip those except for the stuff on the New Moon soundtrack. I'm sure it will be good in the movie, but I like singing along! Vote: There are no words.

16. Like a Drug (bonus)--Upbeat jammy song. But part of the chorus is horrible. Vote: It's k. (Note: I think this was the last time I listened to it, actually.)

17. Turning Page instrumental (bonus)--The music only version of the song above. Without the dude singing, it actually sounds like it could be a "first-time" song. It's obviously important if they include it twice on the soundtrack.

18. Eclipse (All Yours) (bonus)--A total wedding reception version of Eclipse (All Yours) from the last movie. Cute. 

And there you have it! Andee and I are going to see BD Part 1 on Saturday which is, once again, MY BIRTHDAY! Happy birthday to me--going to see some vampires get it on and have babies and fight wolves and get married and destroy pillows!!! Best birthday ever!


Thursday, February 10, 2011

I go back to embarrassed all the time...

I love Taylor Swift's song, Back to December. Love it...

...and also feel like a total creepster listening to it. Because it's supposed to be about her relationship with Taylor Lautner, and boy, does Swifty leave her diary in that totally obvious "under the mattress" place and then leaves you alone in her room with plenty of time to read the whole entry about the failed romance that was T Squared.

I realize that sounds oddly specific, but I swear I've never peeked in anyone's diary. I am not a creeper.

This is a creeper:

Anyway, I guess the song makes me feel creepy because I feel like I "know" both parties. When I listened to Teardrops on My Guitar, I had no idea who Drew was, so it was more like just a song about a dude than an autobiography set to the stirring strums of a tear-stained guitar.

But I've spent the past few years addicted to Twilight, and you can't be addicted to Twilight without knowing a little bit about Taylor Lautner. I think he's adorable. I kid about Jacob and the imprinting thing, or how Jacob will never be as awesome as Rob, I mean, Edward, but I really do like him. And I LOVED it when Tay and Tay got together--we share one certain something in common, and because of that, I guess I was rooting for them. And when they broke up, I was sad in that "aww, that's too bad" kind of way, not the devastating, gut wrenching, may not come to work for a week if Robsten breaks up kind of way.

So listening to TSwizzle sing in the beginning about Taylor makes me feel like I'm there, watching her leave those roses he sent her. Sitting there on Taylor Lautner's birthday, watching his face as he realizes she's not going to call, seeing that big bright (really, really bright--seriously, I think he owns one of those bleaching chairs they set up in the mall. It's the equivilant of a tanning bed for your teeth) smile turn into a frown. Right about now, I start getting pissed off at Swifty.

But then when she talks about wishing she could do it all over again, that if they ever had the chance to be in love again, she would make everything all right. And I want to yell, just like someone on my Twitter feed did, "TAKE THE CHAIN OFF THE DOOR, TAYLOR!! LET HER IN!"

Aww, she's smiling at him from the passenger's side...

After all, she is swallowing her pride standing in front of him saying she's sorry for that night. Because after all, freedom ain't nothing but missing him, wishing she'd realized what she had when he was hers. She wants to turn around and change her own mind. She goes back to December all the time. And apparently, she wants all of us to go along with her.


Thursday, January 20, 2011

Just a word of warning, Bella and Edward...

I know that sex is awesome and fun and feels good and leads to really hot pictures like this...

(which, by the way, you should be more careful about who you let on your computer. I mean, if MY sex pics ended up plastered all over the internet, i'd be SO EMBARRASSED. Well, maybe not if i looked like you two...)

 ....but sex--no matter how fun and good feeling and really hot--can cause THIS:

...and all the fun things that go along with it, that I won't even mention in a blog post, because it would TOTALLY gross Grey out! However, I am pregnant with a regular baby, not a half vampire/half human hybrid with razor sharp teeth that it's going to use to tear it's way out of my uterus...THANK GOD!!!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

ROBSTEN4LYFE: Observations from the People's Choice Awards

Well, last night was the PCA's, otherwise known as the People's Choice Awards. Now, I'm going to stop you right there and make an executive decision--last night's PCA's now offically stands for the Pretty Crappy Awards.
Best thing that happened all night? This picture was taken.

First of all, Queen Latifah? No. Seriously, everything I want to type, I just can't. Because eventually I would be typing the entire show's transcript. It was that bad. The only thing I enjoyed other than the Twilight parts (and no, I DID NOT enjoy watching Queen L interview R, K and T. It was the most horrific thing I've watched on television since Bama Belles.) was when it was over.

Watch all the awesome Twilight parts here at, which I love because it combines my two favorite entertainment things!

Secondly, who are these "People" who do the choosing???  The "People" chose Zac Efron over Rob and that means that the "People" have officially lost their minds and ergo, their ability to vote in the future. So next year, we're going to have the FYRCA's (Forks Y'all's RIGHT Choice Awards) instead, where every category goes to Rob. My predictions for the 2012 FYRCA's?

Best Movie: Breaking Dawn Part 1

Best Actor of All Time:  Robert Pattinson

Best Musical Performer: Robert Pattinson, for his new song on the Breaking Dawn Part 1 soundtrack (you know your fingers are crossed for that one!) PERFORMED LIVE BY PATTINSON AT THE FYRCA'S !!!!!!

Best TV Actor: Robert Pattinson, for his second appearance on Jimmy Kimmel's "Bothered" sketches

Best Actress: Kristen Stewart (but just by a nose...Robert Pattinson was in a close second place. He only lost because of his lack of vagina. So actually, I guess you would say Kristen won by a vagina.*)

At first, I was a little disappointed in the slight lack of Robsten interaction. I probably was expecting too much. I had in mind lots of eye f*cking and hand brushing thigh action. What we got was an almost handhold, lots of longing looks from Rob, and Kristen holding on to Taylor for dear life.

I was a little upset.

But the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. They are obviously incredibly private people with their relationship and lives in general, and there they were, sitting in the FRONT ROW, nothing to hide behind, only the stage in front of them and cameras in their faces. Even their body postures tried to create a barrier from the horrible openness, to protect themselves. Plus, there's the fact that they were at arguably the world's more horrific awards show. So no, Kristen is not going to be at her most comfortable and they're not going to make out for my benefit. However, the looks that Rob gave Kristen all night made my little heart feel so great. Oh, to be looked at by someone the way Rob looks at Kristen. Oh, to be looked at by Rob the way he does to Kristen. Oh, to be looked at by Rob at all.

 Kristen did very well on stage, though. She had the best line of the night: "I was a vampire this morning." (They are supposed to be filming the end "battle scene" this week, so not only was she a vamp, but a kick ass vamp. Sweetness.) And massive, MASSIVE props to her rocking those heels and not falling down. I tweeted last night that I'm almost positive that Rob did not walk her up those steps because he is just as klutzy as she is. So instead Taylor walked her up the stage. Disaster averted.

Another disaster averted? Not seeing Stew's "stewie", which is now my extremely affection nickname for her vagina. (No wonder she's creeped out by some of her fans. We go around making up nicknames for her private parts. That's like the people at the mall where I walk every day making up names for my hoo-hah. I bet if they did, they'd call it "Speedy".) Seriously, her dress was short. She has the best legs I've ever seen, and so naturally, I enjoyed getting to see almost all of them, but there were a few times when I seriously thought she was about to flash us all (and actually make the PCA's interesting). Thank goodness she knows how to get around in skirts (and that Taylor was there to help put her clothes back on. Sigh. Probably the story of Taylor's life. Always back on, never off...)

And then there's Rob. Oh, Rob. You were so cute. And thank goodness, you didn't make any jokes about pooping yourself. It was so funny when you were leaning over to hear what they were saying. That and the horrible jacket you were wearing made you look like a 65 year old man. It was adorable, as was your quip that you had already broken the PCA phone. You probably did, actually.

So there's my little recap of the what was formerly known as the PCA's. Get ready for next year's FYRCA's. It's going to be awesome Robsome.


P.S. Love this.

*I'm just being funny. Stew's probably a better actor than Rob is.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Baton Rouge Part 2 (I KNOW, RIGHT?!? FINALLY.)

*Note: The first draft of this post was written before Christmas. That's how late it is. I didn't want to change the opening because the thought of you guys crying to "Christmas Shoes" with Andee is too special to delete.*

This post probably won't do anything to help catapult you into the Christmas spirit. It's actually kind of depressing. Maybe you shouldn't read it if you are feeling especially holly or jolly. Or maybe you should go listen to that "Christmas Shoes" song that always makes Andee cry first--that way, reading about how we DID NOT meet any Twilight stars while in Baton Rouge won't seem as sad.

After arriving in Baton Rouge, we dropped a carload of suitcases at the hotel and went exploring. Our first stop was Perkins Rowe, where some of the Twilight cast are rumored to be staying. We saw nada. Almost ate at the Kona Grill, peeked into the window of the Wine Loft, peed in the Barnes and Noble. I bought a shirt from J.Crew.
Where most of the cast were staying. And shopping. And eating. Just not while we were ever there.

Like I said, nada.

Then we did some maternity shopping for Andee--she put on the bump and everything. It was awesomely creepy, in that weird, "an alien is living inside your belly" kind of way. This was after I made Andee drive up and down, up and down Bluebonnet Blvd looking for a restaurant that turned out to the be Cajun equivalent of a Cracker Barrel. So much for fine Louisiana dining. (We more than made up for it the next day--I still haven't lost one of the pounds I gained.)

We headed over to the movie studio where they are filming BD. They were not filming at the time--you can imagine our absolute sadness at discovering they were shooting in New Orleans that weekend. But that meant that we could get really close to all the action. Still no Twilight stars...

The main entrance into Celtic Media Centre

We bought our Eclipse DVDs the morning they came out from Best Buy, then had a nice time at the Mall of Louisiana and then we headed to downtown BR to look at some historic buildings and the Mississppi.

The tallest capitol building in the US

The Capitol Center Hilton, where Rob and Kristen stayed before filming began

We also spent about 30 minutes wandering aimlessly up and down Third Street, looking for somewhere, ANYWHERE, to eat lunch. (We spent alot of time on this trip looking for food. It was like we were cavewomen or something.) People kept suggesting a sushi place called Tsunami, but we weren't feeling sushi. When we finally found a good place, the shrimp poboy and fried catfish covered in crawfish ettoufee made our aching shins worth it.


Then we visited the old captiol building, where a very friendly security guard made me say a naughty word in front of the musuem docent that was taking us to see the capitol's "dungeon." The docent was a nice middle-aged lady who probably was used to wholesome families with little kids, not scared sh*tless (which, coincidentally, is a form of the word I used) potty mouths from Alabama.

Grey before her potty mouth incident in front of the old capitol

Andee and the Victorian Christmas tree

We headed back to the mall area and drove aimlessly around looking for somewhere to go. We vetoed seeing a movie and instead headed into a wonderful place called DSW Shoes...where they had shoes, SHOES, as far as the eye can see!! Seriously, the building was as big as a PetSmart, except instead of squeaky toys, there were SHOES (which, to a dog, is probably the same thing). It was great, but all that shopping made us really tired, so we headed back to the hotel before dinner to watch some Eclipse DVD footage. Then we headed to a wonderful restaurant called the Cheesecake Bistro and stuffed ourselves with more crawfish. And cheesecake.

It was after the trip was over that the words in italics above started to become significant. Because after checking out our very favorite Twilight Baton Rouge website, the Facebook page Twilight Takes Over Baton Rouge, that we discovered that:

a) The Best Buy where we got our Eclipse DVDs? Turns out Rob, Kris and Taylor came in there and bought TVs before filming started. Our cashier told us after we turned down a discounted Bella bracelet at the checkout. Also, a couple of weeks later, some of the cast signed autographs there.

b) While we were in our hotel resting after a day of shopping, Liz Reaser and Nikki Reed were directly across the street from us at the Mall of Louisiana.

c) We vetoed seeing a movie at around 4pm. Which was coincidentally the same time Kellen Lutz was spotted at said movie theater. Oh yeah, and he took pictures with fans.

d) Kona Grill, Wine Loft, Barnes and Noble and Tsunami were all places where the cast has been spotted since our trip. (Hey, we peed in the Barnes and Noble. Maybe we peed in the same place as a Twilight star! I feel more specialer now.)

At least we can say, "Hey! We were there!" Maybe even "Hey! We peed where a Twilight star peed!"


More pictures from Celtic:

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Baton Rouge--Finally!! (As in, "We finally got there!!". Also, "We finally blogged about it!"

Yes, it's true--Andee and I did make it to Baton Rouge.

I put red sticks over our eyes because BR means "red stick." Also because I'm at work and can't photoshop the forks over our faces. Sigh. Anonymity is hard sometimes.

It's also true that while there, I met Robert Pattinson and he fell madly in love with me and we ran away together to the South of France. As I type, I am staring out the window of our palatial love nest at the beautiful...umm.... southness of....well, France.

Ok, that's not true. I would totally not be on the computer if I was sharing a palatial love pad with Robert Pattinson. Not unless we were, you know, on the computer.

But we did go to the Red Stick. And it was the farthest west I've ever gone. Seriously, y'all, I had never even been into Mississippi, although I did have to spend a whole week learning to spell it in 3rd grade. The trip started out with me and Andee talking non-stop over some rockin' Christmas tunes, which normally makes our trips just fly by. Not this time. After 40 bazillion hours on the road, we stopped for lunch. Another 5000 googillion hours later, we were in Mississippi, where we waited, at a complete standstill, for what later looked like absolutely nothing at all.

Traffic jam. Totally standing still on the interstate. Could have gotten out and danced naked on that semi flatbed. But we didn't...

Finally, FINALLY, we rolled into Louisiana. And we got off that miserable little stretch of road called I-10, only to be told by that little punk Garmin that we still had 85 more miles to go to Baton Rouge. We went ballistic and literally had to pull over and check another map. That pit stop went a lil' something like this:

There was no effing way it was another 85 miles!!!! 30 miles, tops. It was only like *holds fingers close together* this far away on the map! For real, I cannot ride in this car for another 85 miles. I will scream and tear off your rearview mirror. There's got to be somethign wrong with your Garmin. It's defective. Or deluded. Whatever, it's just wrong. Seriously, it cannot possib---holy shit, it IS another 85 miles.

What choice did we have but to drive on? It helped to see that Robert was only just a little bit further down the road--

To be continued...

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Packing for Baton Rouge: Underwear? Check. Socks? Check. Milk? Check.

Some of our Twitter followers may remember certain tweets made by Grey in September of this year that went a little something like this (read from bottom):

Yes, it's true--I set my nose on fire.

The fiance and I were spending the weekend at Andee and her husband's house to watch football games and drink beer and suck at ladderball and then do old cheerleader dances in the driveway. Everything had been going so well, untill Andee in her bid for domestic goddess-ity roped me into making cream cheese-stuffed jalepenos wrapped in bacon. They sounded delicious, actually, but I like to go places--I think they call them "restaurants"--and have food brought to me, magically hot and ready to eat. But I'm a good friend, and so I said I'd help. Big mistake. HUGE mistake.

Big, huge, BURNING mistake.

I cut the jalapenos in half and scooped out their little insides. After I put the last hollowed-out little jalepeno corpse into the bowl, I KNEW that I needed to wash my hands. I don't know how I knew to wash my hands--I've never handled any peppers other than bell peppers and so I can only say that God led me to wash my hands because even though what happened next was awful, what could have happened had I not washed my hands would have been so much worse.

Because after I washed my hands, I scratched my nose. And caught my nose on fire.

I mean, ON FIRE. It was BURNING. I started panicking. As I panicked, my nose got hotter. I went to the bathroom to rinse my nose off.

The burning only intensified.

I ran to Andee's computer and Googled "jalepeno nose burn" and found out why--apparently water reactivates the chemical in peppers that makes them burn. Fan-f*cking-tastic. The only solution was milk. Did Andee have any milk in the fridge? Sure she did.

But it was sour.

Sour milk. Up my nose. I would have thrown up in my mouth at just the thought of it if my nose hadn't been as red as Rudolph's and did I mention ON FIRE?

So Andee ran to her neighbor's house and returned with a red Dixie cup of milk. Which my face did not fit into. I almost started crying, I was so frustrated and oh yeah, MY NOSE WAS ON FIRE. So we poured the milk in a bowl and just slammed my entire face in there. Sweet, sweet relief.

Which is why I'm packing milk when we go to Baton Rouge this weekend. Because Robert Pattinson is definitely hotter than a jalepeno. And I'm not going to be caught unprepared ever again.