Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Do's and Don'ts of Meeting Twilight Stars Part 2

The second edtion of How to Successfully Engage (and Not Set On Fire) Twilight Stars focuses on Dr. Carlisle Cullen himself, Peter Facinelli. Now, Peter is well known for being very open and easy to approach by fans--I think he actually likes us or something. So getting a wave out of Peter really isn't too difficult.
Step One--Approach Peter. If you see that Peter isn't on the phone, eating with friends, actually filming or fighting off a newborn vampire attack (that last one is super important, folks), walk up to him calmly and politely tell him how awesome he is. He will more than likely be friendly, unless you have a) disturbed him in some unforgivable manner (like interrupt his grudging participation in the aforementioned vampire war) or b) have some kind of crazy stalker/potential homicidal maniac look in your eyes (we are not held responsible for your crazy eyes, you have to learn to control them yourself).  Barring these things, you can continue telling him how awesome he is, and maybe you will get a picture. Weep with joy and you'll probably get a hug. Based on personal experience, Peter hugs are awesome.

Some other useful information:

DO NOT APPROACH PETER WHILE SCREAMING THE FIRST THING ANDEE SAYS ANYTIME SOMEONE MENTIONS PETER---"I LOVE ME SOME PETER!" He will think you are a perv. Or a huge weirdo. Probably both, actually. Yelling at the top of your voice a phrase that is equivilant to "I love me some penis!" will probably guarantee Peter's fleeing the scene. However, if you must use this phrase, make sure you attach his last name, Facinelli. I predict I will have to work hard to help Andee control her love of Peter.

Another potential embarrassment? Misprouncing Mr. Facinelli's name. After countless minutes of internet research, I can now share with you the correct way to say his name. Maybe.

A Visual Diagram of How to Pronounce Peter Facinelli's Name






Ok, so that's TWO ways to say his name. Oh, well. Maybe if you say it really fast--"Hey, PeterFacinelliIthinkyou'rereallyawesome!"--he won't notice that you mispronounced it.

But that's probably when he'll notice your crazy eyes.

Andee and Grey

UPDATED: Audio added. Beware--this is my "I know I'm being recorded" voice. Also fuzzy at the beginning. Steven Spielburg I am not.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Do's and Don'ts of Meeting Twilight Stars

Well, it's officially upon us. The day we've been waiting for. That's right--the McRib is coming back.

No seriously, it's coming back. November 2nd. Watch for it.

But the other day we were waiting for was the day the Twilight cast arrived in Baton Rouge. They did, last Friday. They are there. And some day soon, we will be, too. Not because we're crazy stalkers who really need to ruin Robsten's day. We just want to be there, to be a part of the magic that is Twilight. Hell, we infrequently update write a blog about it--we'd be crazy not to take the opportunity to head over to Baton Rouge for a nice weekend and share our zany experiences with you guys.

But just in case we--or anyone else visiting Baton Rouge--happen to actually *gasp* meet any of the Twilight stars, this week we'd like to offer some helpful little hints on the proper behavior when engaging the elusive Twilightis Amazingus.

How to Successfully Engage Twilight Stars

Robert Pattinson--The Smokin' Hot Approach
The best way to meet Robert Pattinson is to engage him while he is smoking, probably outside a club or bar. Are you a smoker? Excellent! (Bet you haven't heard that since 1960.) Not a smoker? Well, you are now. The crux of this plan depends on Robert Pattinson being lighterless, so...

Step One: Steal Robert Pattinson's lighter. You will require a friend to help out with this one, because the friend will actually need to flash Rob her boobs so that while he's distracted, you can sneak over to the table/ledge/curb where his lighter rests and take it.

Step Two: Offer to light Rob's cigarette. This is enable you to engage him in conversation and also obtain close physical proximity to The Precious. Walk up to him, light the lighter and hold it up to his cigarette. Try not to use the lighter you just stole from him. If you are a smoker, this step should be simple, and conversation will likely begin. Congratulations! If you are not a smoker, please pay careful attention to the next step.



Step Five: If you set Robert Pattinson on fire, tried to put him out with gin and made it worse, GET WATER. Douse Robert Pattinson with water. Then run, because Kristen Stewart is totally going to beat you up.

The ideal scenario only uses Steps One and Two. Obviously.

Andee and Grey

Next up: Peter Facinelli--The Don't Forget To Say His Last Name Approach!!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Some Important News About the Breaking Dawn Roadtrip--we will NOT be ordering the "I Banged A Vampire Down in Baton Rouge" tshirts after all.

Twitter told us today that Nikki Reed has announced that she will be down in Louisiana in a little over a week. A week!! That's no time! We are in super-fast-needed-it-finalized-yesterday planning mode, getting ready for our trip to Baton Rouge, where we swear we won't stalk these people like hungry lionesses, on the prowl for some fresh meat. Instead, we only hope to catch a glimpse of the magicness that is movie-making. But since most of the actual movie-making is probably going to be done on a soundstage, the magicness we're referring to is the magicness of Robsten walking around Baton Rouge like they are just plain ol' regular folks. And maybe seeing Peter *Andee: OOOOhhhhh I love me some Peter! P.S. Grey LOVES when I say that!* and Kellen and Ashley and Nikki and Taylor and everyone else involved. But mostly Robsten.

But even with all the preparation and the checking and double-checking of the lists, we've had a little change of plans. See, usually Andee and I are a two person tag team of epic awesomeness when it comes to our little "Girl Power" trips--especially the Twilight related ones. We have more fun together than any two people in the history of forever. We're like Thelma and Lousie, except without driving off a cliff. But if I had a nickel for every time we did the T & L hand-hold while heading into downtown Atlanta...well, I'd have 6 nickels. Sweet, that's almost a Coca-Cola at my office...what were we talking about? Oh yeah, me and Andee.

We renewed our sacred vows this morning over GTalk to never, ever, for any reason make a Twilight trip without both of us together. Like sisters, because that's what we really are, even if we don't technically have the same mother or aren't even slightly related. We're sisters in that "this is ME in another person's body" kind of way. Which actually sounds kind of weird. It's not weird though, I promise. It's just us, and I can't explain it, but it's totally there.

So the change of plans is this: It's not just the two of us roadtripping this time--it's three.

Yep, Andee's going to be bringing along a baby. Thankfully, it's the type of baby that is actually still inside her stomach. *Andee: It is currently the size of a seasme seed if you didn't know that, Grey, I have just informed you :) ...Which Grey thinks pregnancy is totally gross if you haven't figured that out by her blog posts from the past*  I would be so embarrassed if one of the outside ones threw up all over Robert Pattinson.

At least the inside baby won't have to stop every ten minutes for a potty break or demand to be taken to every Krystal we pass...oh wait, that will be Andee. Crap.


Aunt Grey

That's right boys and girls I am "with Child" haha! I'm pretty positive it is not a half human/half vampire baby named Renesmee so no worries on that front but if you've noticed they officially announced that little Makenzie as Nessie and now that I'm pregnant and will have the baby before we go see Breaking Dawn Part 1, I'll probably be able to coach Bella through some of her insane labor for instance, "Yes, Yes, that's the placenta, you need to get the baby out of the placenta, that's right, Edward, use your teeth, my doctors had actual surgical tools, but hey, you go with what you got"! This sure will be an exciting movie experience with me this time Grey I'm gonna gross you out big time!**Andee

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Thank you, Twilight Quiz. Best. Day. EVER.

Remember that Twilight quiz I posted about earlier? The one for the magazine I write for? The one that  validated my Twilight obsession by being accepted by a legitmate media source while simultaneously scaring the crap out of me because I don't want my grandmother to see this blog?

Well, I wrote it and turned it in today. I hope that it is go...HOLY BALLS I FORGOT TO TELL HIM NOT TO PUT THE BLOG IN THERE.

I'll be right back.

Ok, I'm back. Crisis averted. I am patiently/not so patiently awaiting confirmation, i.e. his word as a gentleman and a scholar that he will not put the blog address in the magazine.


The quiz will be a part of a feature in the magazine called the "Iron Bowlympics". See, here in Alabama, most people are fans of either the University of Alabama or Auburn University, and each year when Alabama and Auburn play each other in football, it's called the Iron Bowl. The magazine wanted a fun way to predict the winner of this year's Iron Bowl, so they are challenging an Auburn fan and an Alabama fan to a series of fantastical contests, one of which is....

....Yes, it's the Twilight quiz. How did you know?

The Iron Bowl. Now with sparkles.

The quiz had to be simple enough for men to do it. *snicker* I really tried to make the questions pretty easy, because most guys--if they have wives or girlfriends or daughters--are going to be exposed to Twilight in some degree, so they should at least get one question right. Still, it's Twilight and they're men, manly men about town who wouldn't be caught dead reading the books or watching the movies. Men who like football, not emo vampires who sparkle. Men who like strippers, not teenage girls who trip all the time. Men who like meat, DAMMIT, not whiny vegetarian vampires.

I needed a man to test the quiz on. I thought about my boss but I really didn't think it was smart to go up to him and say, "Hi, Boss! Can you take this absolutely irrelevant Twilight quiz that I just spent valuable work time creating?"

So I let the The Fiance' take it.

He got all the answers right. Even the ones that weren't multiple choice.

I cannot stop laughing.


Monday, October 4, 2010

This is why you will never see me naked. You're welcome, Mom.

Two Things that Happened Today:

Thing Number One:  I got asked to create a very simple 10-question Twilight quiz for the local magazine I freelance for.

Thing Number Two: I got asked to create a very simple 10-question Twilight quiz for the local magazine I freelance for because the editor apparently FOUND THE ADDRESS OF THIS BLOG and KNOWS I WRITE IT and wanted to know if he could expose me to the entire city of Dothan by making this blog and my connection to it public knowledge link to it in the magazine and then I had a little freakout at my desk because if the little old ladies at church who come up to me on Sundays and tell me that they read my articles while sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office found out that I have a blog where I frequently curse just for the hell of it, reference sex acts that I may or may not want to perform with certain celebrities and photoshop pictures of Robert Pattinson and Kirsten Stewart onto the murals that surround our town, I would die. There's also the potential of certain people finding out that while I'm supposed to be doing a certain thing (working), I could possibly be blogging instead. Maybe. Definitely not. But it's likely.

Obviously, the consequences of this revelation would be dire. I am certainly not ashamed of Twilight, or of this blog, nor of you fine people, but it's like this: If I were a world-famous movie star, would I do a movie with nudity or heavy swearing? No, and do you know why? Because my mommy would see it. And that's something my mommy doesn't need to see. Just like this blog is something that Dothan, Alabama doesn't need to see. Well, actually I would love for them to see it, but they don't need to know it's XXXXoX XXaXXX who writes it. Andee feels the same way.

So Editor of the Magazine I Freelance For, please, for the love of all things good and pure and righteous in this crazy world, do not link this blog to the magazine that my Grandmother reads. She knows how to use the internet and she would come looking for me. I really don't want her to stop giving me those extremely useful savings bonds I always get for my birthday. Always.

BONUS THING NUMBER THREE: You like the new website? Me too.



P.S. Oh geez, Editor of the Magazine I Freelance For knows I have a fake name, too. Like a porn star.