Thursday, February 25, 2010

Twilight Profile: Daniel Cudmore, or Betty White is the new Chuck Norris.

Please attempt to stay with me today. This one is R-A-N-D-O-M. I love my brain, but sometimes I wonder what is wrong with it. It does weird things without my permission.
Today's Twilight Profile is on Daniel Cudmore, a.k.a. Felix of the Volturi, A.K.A COLOSSUS FROM X-MEN. I think I am a little more excited about the latter. I am a h-u-g-e comic book/X-Men geek deep down on the inside (ok, fine, on the outside, too). I don't read them anymore, because my favorite character is dead and they won't bring her back so I'm snubbing them until they do. I'm sure they are hurt by my indifference. Actually, the real reason I don't read comic books anymore is probably because I have grown up into a mature, sophisticated Southern woman replaced comic books with Twilight. Which is fine, because I freaking love Twilight, y'all.

Lil bit creepy.

Two words that you don't normally hear together: Hot and Russian. (Because it's cold there, not because Russians aren't hot. Because they obviously are.)

Did I just lose cool points with you guys? It's ok, I'm about to win them back. Keep reading.

Right now, I am working on a little side project that has nothing to do with Twilight. It is, in fact, a wide-scale plot to secure Betty White's place as the new Chuck Norris. Yes, you heard me right. And Daniel Cudmore is going to help me do that. Obviously.

It all started with a little article about fans wanting Betty White to host SNL. I thought this was a terriffic idea, because Betty White is the most kick-ass film and television icon EVER. She's freaking hilarious, and always has such an awesome sense of fun.

Remember when Betty White robbed that liquor store on Boston Legal? Priceless.

Coolest. Picture. Ever.

What about BWhite's latest television appearance during the Super Bowl?

"GREY! HOW DOES NEW MOON'S DANIEL CUDMORE FIT INTO THIS AWFUL POST?" you scream at me. Cheese and crackers, I am getting to it. Hold your horses. I realize that I will have to have two phases in my "Betty White is the new Chuck Norris" master plan. The first will be a grassroots movement to encourage people to think up awesome Betty White jokes in the same theme as Chuck Norris jokes. You know, like:

It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' Betty White's eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everyone's future is always the same--a roundhouse kick to the face.


Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris Betty White.

Yes, I just Googled Chuck Norris jokes and replaced his name with Betty's. But that doesn't make them any less funny. Anyway, that was the first phase--the second phase is celebrity endorsement. And that's where Daniel Cudmore comes in.

Yesterday, Daniel tweeted this:

I think Chuck Norris came and roundhouse kicked my cold last night!! Feeling alot better this morning!

To which I replied:

If Betty White stopped by, you'd be completely healed. Betty White is the new Chuck Norris.

Now, he didn't actually reply to me, but his next tweet talking about how lucky he was to have such great fans, and I'm pretty sure he was talking about me. Since I know that he is a man fond of the Chuck Norris humor, he will be the perfect celebrity spokesperson for my "Betty White is the new Chuck Norris" campaign. So in addition to making Peter think we are the most amazing people on the planet, getting Michael to flirt shamelessly with us, keeping Christopher awake, soliciting bang hairstyling advice from Tinsel, making Kiowa giggle, and charming the pants off Gil........I now have to find the perfect way to recruit Daniel to my Betty White campaign.

Did we mention that we will have to have all this planned out by NEXT WEEK? That's not a lot of time left. Betty White never has these kinds of problems.

Because if Betty White is late, time better slow the eff down.


  1. Hi, my name is Illegal and I fully support this campaign.I think you guys should take along a Betty White cut out. How could he NOT love something that only reaches his knees?

    *paints "Betty White is the new Chuck Norris" onto forehead*

  2. Flash him.

    He will do whatever you want!

    Illegal is totally right. :)

  3. We will def try to bring a cut out of Betty White to Atlanta...I'm SURE Daniel will be too excited and love us forever for it! :)*Andee

  4. Andee will have to flash him. She's the one with the boobs.