Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Twilight Profile: Michael Welch

Poor Mike Newton. Did you feel sorry for him in the books? We kind of did. See, we've known quite a few Mike Newtons in our day. Those poor boys who are pretty decent guys, fairly attractive, with nice personalities....but you just aren't interested in them. Usually because you are checking out someone far more fine than Mike Newton ever dreamed he could be. *coughcoughEdwardcough*

Like we said, we've known quite a few Mike Newtons. But, since we're nice girls who have good, kind hearts, we're proud to say that we've made out with a few Mike Newtons, too. Especially Andee. Did you know that she's kissed over 75 different people in her short lifetime? Statistically a few of those had to be Mike Newtons. *Note from Andee: Thanks A WHOLE LOT, Grey. You will die next weekend for this.* **Note from Grey: Are you gonna kiss me to death??**

ANYWAY, Michael Welch is obviously our Twilight Atlanta profile of the day. But unfortunately, he didn't earn it of his own merit. No, he earned today's spot because of an article we saw online today with the headline "Michael Welch Worried In New Twilight: Eclipse Image."

With this picture accompaning it.

Holy crap, Mike Newton got HOT.

Now, we all know that this picture is NOT of Mike Newton. This is Riley the Newborn, played by the gorgeous Xavier Samuel. But the writer of the article obviously doesn't know that. In fact, they pretty much admit they have no clue what they're doing--"and while we're not one hundred percent sure who the actor is (we think it's Michael Welch)." And if that wasn't enough proof that these people have never even SEEN a Twilight related movie, how about this quote--"Again, we're not exactly sure who the actor is due to the angle and the lighting, but we're guessing it's Michael Welch."

You would be wrong. Totally, completely, irrecovibly wrong. "Due to the angle and the lighting"? Really? REALLY? Lighting and angles made you mistake this guy---

The Real Michael Welch

---for this guy?

The Fake Michael Welch

We guess it could have been an honest mistake. Stuff like this happens to us all the time. We are constantly, ceaselessly compared to Nicole Kidman (Grey) and Britney Spears (Andee). All. The. Time. It's always someone calling us, saying they saw our picture in People magazine. And we're like "No, Nana, we are NOT using Botox. Please stop calling me the Ice Queen," or "Of COURSE we haven't shaved our heads. What is a K-Fed? Is it a shoe?"



Fact: Michael Welch is not as hot as Samuel Riley. It's ok. There are alot of facts out there that people don't like, but we have to deal with them because they're FACTS. So what if Xavier is hotter? Is he more cuddly than Mike? No. Is he more adorable in that dorky way than Mike? No.

Would Xavier Samuels do this to please a crowd?

Or this?

No, I dare say he wouldn't. Because Michael Welch does it HARD for his fans. He is not afraid to get down and get silly to make the girls swoon. So while Michael Welch may not be as hot as Xavier Samuel, or wear cool Ray-Bans and try to be a wannabe Rob Pattinson like Xavier Samuel, he IS out there making the chicks laugh, and that makes the panties drop, too. So go get you some, Michael Welch.

Do it for Mike Newton.

Crazy Article:


  1. When you said that pic was Mike Newton, I totally believed it.

    This makes me either hopelessly optimistic or a complete idiot. Not sure which.

    Andee! You're hawt!

    Grey, lay of the 'tox. ;)

    Someone told me once that I looked exactly like Liza Minelli. I really should have slapped them.

  2. True story: Andee and I went to see Britney Spears in ATL last September and we sat ringside. People behind us in the real stands started yelling "Jamie Lynn! How's your baby, Jamie Lynn?" Andee's hair was dark and people thought she was Brit's little sister. This attracted the attention of some more people to our left, who started jumping up and down and waving at us. People thought Andee was Jamie Lynn Spears. It was awesome.

  3. No one wants to look like Liza Minelli when they are fifteen (then) or 22 (now). Trust me. I don't really look like her. I think that lady was on crack.

    You should have signed autographs and done all sorts of amazing things with all that attention.

    I bet you could have confused Britney. ;)

  4. liza minelli is a fierce bitch. just so you know. :D

  5. In reference to "Michael Welch may not be as hot as Xavier Samuel, or wear cool Ray-Bans and try to be a wannabe Rob Pattinson like Xavier Samuel"

    I am sure Michael Welch has many fans. Less harsh on Xavier PLEASE. He is a very humble, passionate person whose first love is acting. He is himself always - never a 'wannabe'.

  6. Anonymous,

    Andee and Grey LOVE Twilight. We love it so much that sometimes we just want to run over to our bookshelves and give all our Twilight Saga books a big hug. Except for Breaking Dawn. She is the black sheep of the family.

    In turn, we love everything and everyone connected to Twilight. And we tease the ones we love. We certainly have nothing against Xavier. Heck, we think he is HAWT. And yes, he does dress like Rob, but that's ok, because we think Raybans and black jeans look awesome on both Rob AND Xavier.

    We CANNOT WAIT until Eclipse comes out. We want to be able to talk about Riley and Victoria/Xavier and Bryce Dallas Howard. We want to show our love to all the Twicast, but please remember, we are trying to be funny here. And "trying" is the operative word here, apparently. So's all good in the neighborhood.