Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Twilight Profile: Bronson Pelletier

Today I wore polka dotted socks with high heel strappy sandals. So my judgement on this post may not be so hot. But at least my feet are warm.

Speaking of werewolves, *Note from Grey: See, I told you.* for our second installment of profiles on the Twilight stars we are going to meet in Atlanta in TWO WEEKS, we are focusing on a member of the Wolfpack, Bronson Pelletier, a.k.a. Jared from New Moon, Eclipse, and the soon-to-be-made-or-else-the-Twidom-is-going-to-start-freaking-the-eff-out Breaking Dawn!!!!!

Second only to Mr. Wolfhowl himself, Alex Meraz.

Bronson is freaking awesome, y'all. He's adorable, hilari........What? Wait, what did you say, Andee?....................What do you mean, he dropped out? He's not coming to The Official Twilight Convention in Atlanta on March 5th, 6th, and 7th?........................Oh, I get it. You're joking with me. You're being funny..............................No?

Son of a b*tch.

He's not coming. That mangy little MUTT PUPPY isn't coming to Atlanta. To quote Pam Beasley from The Office: "Oh, it's on. It is
so on."

Ohhh, no. Don't try that "show a lil bare shoulder" sexy thing with me. I'm mad.

We were totally ready to overlook your faults, Bronson Pelletier. But now that you have decided NOT to show up at Twi Con in Atlanta, we don't feel that we should. After all, you broke your promise to us--the promise to provide us with endless entertainment and maybe a little harmless flirting. But what's the point? You broke our hearts, and payback is....well, ironically enough, the name of a female dog.

Bam! Hit you with that embarrassing head shot of your youth. I play dirty.

Please observe this interview with the Wolf Pack during the New Moon press junket.


After watching this and other press videos, Andee and I discovered that Bronson is usually very, very stimulated. Like highly over-caffinated. I know that it's the first time he's doing something in the Hollywood big league, but his over-excitement is borderline annoying. Actually, it's totally annoying. He's like that kid who wants to hang out with the cool crowd, and the whole class is going on a field trip, and the cool kids get to sit in the back, and he has to sit maybe more in the middle, and so he spends the entire bus ride turned backwards in his seat, trying desperately to be a part of what's going on in the back. And, well, now that I've written that, I kind of feel sorry for him. I mean, I hated when a kid tried to get into the "cool crowd" because they usually didn't want him, and his feelings got hurt. Nobody wants kids to have to go through that.

"Hahahaha....that was so funny. Wait, what did you say? Can you say that again, guys? Guys?"

But Bronson is not a child. Bronson is an annoying, over stimulated young adult, so I'm over it. Oh, AND he's a clapper. You know, those people who, when something is funny or amazing, they clap. For example:

"Oh my gah, *clap clap* that is so freaking hilarious! *clap clap*"

Well, my anger is spent. I am through with Bronson Pelletier, a.k.a. Jared "Yeah? Well, we're faster" Wolf Boy. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to pull up my socks. They are puddling around my ankles.

P.S. We really have nothing against Bronson, we are just being funny. We understand that there is probably a very important reason why he had to back out of Twi Con, and we get it. Hopefully, it's for something cool, like a magazine spread or a part in a television show. We want him to get to do lots of awesome, extrordinary things because of Twilight.

P.P.S. I am also a clapper, so I'm not sure why I made fun of Bronson doing it. Must be the socks thing.


  1. LOLz You have pwned me. You have pwned me to a WHOLE...NOTHA...LEVEL.

  2. That is what we're here for. You're welcome.

    (Oh, and thank you!!)


  3. I've heard he is hyperactive. I have no idea because watching interviews makes me want to pull out my hair. I want to read them.

    Boooooooo to him for canceling. Maybe Paulex will show up? He makes out with chicks at those things. I have seen picture proof.

    Love the heels with socks. Good call. :)

  4. Oooooooo - BURN with the headshot! Hey, Bronson, Jonathan Taylor Thomas called. He wants his hair gel back.*

    I'm sure he has a good reason for backing out, though. Like he's busy at the courthouse, changing his name to "Alec Beraz." Or tweeting about how HE is too cool to cry, even while watching "Up." Or grumbling about how HE would look just as good naked in front of a fridge.

    (Pssst, Bronson. NO, you wouldn't. NO ONE would.)

    Hope you guys have so much fun at the convention. Can't wait to see your post after! Woot!

    *Did I really just make a "Hey, ______ called" joke? Yeah, I did. Not proud of it, but at least I worked in a JTT shoutout.

  5. To be honest, we wanted Paul in the first place. If he showed up and made out with chicks, I would be ok with that. For real.

    Do you know that I JUST looked up JTT on Wiki...I was like, "Where is this dude? I LOVED HIM!" He has just dropped off the radar.

    Everyone cries when they watch "Up". If the say otherwise, they are filthy, rotton liars. Except for Andee. She didn't cry, but then again, she eats puppies for breakfast, so.....

    (I'm just kidding, Andee! I know you don't eat puppies!)