Monday, February 15, 2010

The Post Where We Talk About Rob's........You-Know-What.

Andee and I are from the South. Obviously. We were raised in the Bible Belt, spending each Sunday morning and Wednesday night praising the Lord. The way that we grew up, there were always certain things that you knew you couldn't do, because if your momma or your preacher found out, they would be ashamed. (And so would God, but he knows about it before you even do it, so you're in trouble regardless.)

I said that to preface the fact that I'm going to talk about this:


I am so glad that my momma doesn't know how to use the internet.

"Tell your mum I said hello."

Right now I am watching Twitter explode over the whole Robert Pattinson "I'm allergic to vaginas" quote from the Details magazine interview. I'll be honest...... at first I didn't get it. I knew that it was a joke, but I just couldn't quite figure out why it was supposed to be funny. I certainly knew that he didn't mean he was gay. Maybe he just meant that there were so many exposed vaginas everywhere that it was a little overwhelming. Or that he doesn't really find them (and by them, I mean vajayjays) attractive so it was uncomfortable staring into one for hours and hours on end while a photographer took hundreds of shots of you with your head in some model's crotch.

The vagina allergy skin test--it's the big long one. That's what she said.

It wasn't until the quote finally made it to EOnline! (and a few tweets back and forth between @calliopeblabs and @robsessedblog) that I realized....

Allergies...redness...swelling...sensitivity....and these occured while spending an entire day being photographed around naked girls........totally naked girls showing their "front butts" (as my little cousin calls it).............HE WAS TALKING ABOUT AN ERECTION! Rob totally made a joke about the perils of getting erections while staring at front butts all day long. WHICH IS TOTALLY NORMAL.

Is your name Robert Pattinson? Then, yes....this is normal.

Oh, that is fantastic! Because I was worried for a minute there, that he really meant that he didn't like vaginas. But that's not what he meant at all! He meant that he was close to getting got hard doing this photoshoot. He's not gay, which is great for me because he still likes girls, and I'm a girl. And he's not a vag hater, which is also good for me because now I don't have to come up with ways to get rid of mine. He's a manly man who gets turned on by nekkid women, which when I don't have any clothes on, I am.

"There's a vagina behind me, isn't there?"

And then makes a joke about it that the 13-year-old boys in my 7th grade gym class made back in the late 90's. Which is one of the things that I like about Rob--that he can in one minute totally stimulate your mind with deep, thoughtful converstaions about his craft, and the next minute, tell you about getting wood or something coming out of his pants.

(Maybe it's the wood?)

Laters, baby.



  1. This mystery is history! (I watch too many preschool cartoons)

    And my new thing to ask will be "There's a vagina behind me, isn't there?" because that is the greatest sentence I have ever heard with a vagina mention.

    You win.

  2. No, no...we're going to let YOU win. Because every time you ask someone if there is a vagina behind you, we will know it was because of us. It's why we do what we do.

  3. Finally...a normal reaction that doesnt involve Oh Em Gees, Squees, and *sob* Imma laser off that tattoo of "Oh Em Gee Rob <3's my vagina" *pulls sleeve to cover...err...GIGANTIC bee sting...yeah thats what it is*
    As Fangy said..You guys win the Interwebz! Sparkly erections for all!!! :)

  4. I. Love. This.

    All of it. Every syllable.

    The first reason is that you guys are hilarious.

    The second is that I have finally seen the light about this joke. And it is good.

    The final reason is that I, too, was raised to be delicate and discreet, and you guys are like a breath of fresh air to my precious stifled sensibilities.

    Note to self: Tell Twi-kindred spirit about this blog, and point out how much it reminds me of us NOT discussing our lady parts. Because we have none. Because we're like Barbies down there.

  5. THANK YOU for the positive comments! We would totally write this blog just for ourselves, but it really doesn't hurt when other people think we're funny. Totally validates the vanity.

    Note to self: Penis/vagina posts do well.