Friday, June 11, 2010

It's Getting Hot in Here, So Take Off All Your Clothes. I'm Just Kidding. You Can Leave Your Clothes On. Unless You Don't Want To. Whatever, I'm Cool.

Shut your filthy mouth, it is hot down here. I have lots of analogies for how hot it is, but I saw "hotter'n two rats screwin' in a wool sock" on Facebook today, so I'll go with that one. I don't know if it's an originally Southern phrase, but if you drop a couple vowels, it can be adapted.

Yesterday was the day that my car decided not to crank. It was also the day my fiance' decided to be an ass, but hey...that can happen any day and doesn't necessarily coincide with car troubles. The Honda dealership suggested that I "firmly tap" some vague, phantom spot on my dash, which in my frustration may have ended up being "kicked repeated while cursed at" instead of "firmly tapped." Whoops.
What I needed was the most devastatingly beautiful vampire in existance. And I don't mean Edward.

I mean Rosalie.

Rosalie Hale: Auto Mechanic

Yes, favorite frosty bitch that she is, what I really needed yesterday was Rosalie Hale under my car, and I don't mean that I was so mad and frustrated that I wanted to run her over. I needed her super awesome mechanical skillz, yo. I don't ask her for many favors, and I pretty much leave her alone on this blog. I try not to mention how fugs her New Moon wig was, or how those jeans from the Twilight cafeteria scene are not flattering from the back at all. You know, cause I don't want to offend her--the last thing I would ever want to do is to come face to face with an angry Rosalie Hale, if coming face to face with a "real" fictional character and not her actor counterpart were possible. Come to mention it, coming face to face with Nikki Reed might be a little scary, too. a tiger.

But if she could have just taken a look at my car, that would have been great. I would have ignored the impatient, condesending snorts, sighs and icy stares. I would have stayed out of her way, unless she needed me to hand her a socket wrench or something. And most importantly, I would have always remembered to say, "Yes, ma'am, Miss Rosalie, ma'am" anytime she asked me ANYTHING, even if the question was "Are you stupid or something?"

And maybe that withering, cold stare I would have gotten in response would have helped cool me off a little.


*Extra Funny for Today*

1 comment:

  1. I missed a post! Forkheadfail.

    As Rosalie is my favoritest Cullen, I'd definitely want her to fix my car.