Friday, July 30, 2010

Rob's Down South. You Can Make That Dirty If You Want.

Three very extraordinary things are happening today. Would you like to know what they are?

The Three Extraordinary Things That Are Happening Today

1. Robert Pattinson is now officially in the South.

2. Robert Pattinson will honest-to-gah set foot in a city that I too have stepped foot in. Well, both feet, actually.

3. Tonight, I get to eat fried catfish at my Grandmother's.

Now, these things happening on the exact same day? "Impossible," I would have said before breakfast this morning. What are the odds that on the very day I will partake of that oh-so-Southern dish prepared by my oh-so-Southern grandmother, Rob would be physically located in the South, a region of the country that I can actually claim as my own? "Not good," I would have said before breakfast this morning.

Apparently I need to learn to believe three impossible things before breakfast.

Rob in the South, from WRCB TV via Robsessed

Still, even if I did believe in three (or six) impossible things before breakfast, these three occurrences are--without a doubt--very rare. The South is nothing like Hollywood--what are the chances that Rob would visit for any reason? And my Grandmother usually sleeps until noon or is at the mall with her friends discussing old people stuff--so there's rarely a family dinner to be had at her house.

It makes me wonder....what if these three occurrences are actually a sign? And what if that sign isn't necessarily a good one? What if.....these three extraordinary things are actually the herald of the apocalypse?

Nah, if it was the apocalypse, there would be death and destruction and hell on eart-***********We interrupt this pointless post for the weather report--in the south, temperatures reaching 100 degrees, with the heat index reaching 115 degrees this weekend. I REPEAT, IT FEELS LIKE IT'S 115 FUCKING DEGREES. We now continue with your irregularly scheduled post.***********

Oh shit.

Stay cool,




    I'm going to find my tin foil hat now...

    You think Rob will hide in my cellar with me? I'll drag a microwave down for his Hotpockets.

  2. Look at you! All signing your name and stuff!

    For a second, I'd worried that we might not know when or where Breaking Dawn would be filming in Louisiana. Ha. Haha. Hahaha. We'll be lucky if we we can find an empty tree. You know, so we can climb up and see better with our binoculars. Or get a better shot with our tranquilizer gun.

    Wow, that sounds even creepier than I thought it would.

    Anyway? This post? As awesome as hushpuppies and tartar sauce. I dunno about the catfish part because I don't eat it, but I'm sure your Grandmother's is amazing.

    I shouldn't comment so late at night. I feel like I just can't hang up.

  3. StotheP, if you weren't so creepy, I'm not sure I would like you as much. P.S. You own a tranquilizer gun? I'm liking you even more now.

    Fang, you have just come up with a foolproof plan to capture Rob and keep him in your cellar as your wonky-legged sex slave. He will not be able to resist the *ding* of the microwave and the mouthwatering aroma of a freshly nuked Hot Pocket. *heads into the backyard with a shovel*