Thursday, July 8, 2010

Death by Wild Turkey because someone used it to set you on fire and how that relates to Eclipse. We're serious.

As part of Andee and Grey's super fantastic no-fingers-lost Fourth of July weekend, we spent some downtime in front of the TV watching this show called "Snapped" about women who....well, "snap" and commit murder. Andee watches it all the time--apparently, she's studying up on how to successfully murder her husband. And by successfully, we mean a) actually kill him to the point where he's dead, and b) not get sent to prison for it. A wise man woman learns from the mistakes of others.

The episode we were watching was about a woman who was convicted of killing her husband by setting fire to his bedroom. That's pretty twisted. You know what's even more twisted? Dude was in a wheelchair.


Anyway, thinking about that episode later made us think about the Robert Frost poem Bella recites at the beginning of Eclipse:

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if I had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

Yes, we realize that it's probably weird to associate a beautiful Robert Frost poem with some crazy woman setting her disabled husband on fire with Wild Turkey and a candle (Grey, don't forget that she "claimed" he kicked her when she tried to pull him out...yes that's right KICKED her...hmmm*Andee). But it does talk about destruction by fire, so we can totally justify it, and maybe Frost wouldn't mind too much.

Which way would you want to be destroyed? Frost favors fire, but seriously? He'd want to burn? Doesn't he know how much burning would suck ass? HE WOULD BE ON FIRE. That is never, ever a pleasant sensation.

And perish twice? Really? You would want to die more than once? Why? Was once not enough? Oh, wait he says "if he had to". Yeah, we guess that's like if we had to choose between either getting our faces eaten off by a rabid wolverine or being cut into 51 different pieces shaped like each of the 50 States and also Puerto Rico, we'd choose....well, isn't it obvious? Maybe perishing the second time by ice would actually feel pretty damn good after being freaking burnt to a crisp. Soothing, even.

We would totally go with ice. Yes, you may feel a bit of a burning sensation, but no, you're not actually on fire. Your extremities are just frostbitten (Get it? Frostbitten? Nevermind), that's all. And then when hypothermia sets in, you get sleepy. Don't you love the feeling of letting sleep overtake you as you curl up in your comfy bed and drift away? Ice would be exactly like that, except your fingers and toes will begin to turn black as you lay in the fetal position in the middle of a snow drift and death comes to take you instead of sleep. Yes, ice definitely would suffice.

Ok, yes...we know that the Fire and Ice poem is really about the end of the world, not your own personal demise. And fire is like desire in that its flames consume you, and ice is like hate, chilling and cold, and that both of these human emotions can cause the world's destruction in equally terrifying ways. But it's so fun to see that Eclipse mirrors this poem, too--how the vampires in the end are ultimately destroyed by fire,or how the ice could be represented by the fact that a giant freezing snow storm comes the night before the battle and Edward must fight Victoria and Riley on the white, icy peaks of a mountaintop. AND that Jacob and Edward themselves also represent fire and ice, respectively because Jacob is 108 degrees and hot-tempered, and Edward is cool like marble and calm. Very sneaky, Stephanie, giving us a literary lesson and maybe actually making us think.

And not just about how to get away with killing our husbands.


  1. I'm not even going to throw my two cents in today. Your two cents are so much better. More like $4 or something. Hilariously educational.

    However, I don't want to kill my husband. The weekend's coming, I'm still painfully sunburned, and someone has to fetch pillows, adjust fans, and make dinner. I'm certainly not going to do all this for myself, and my dogs don't have opposable thumbs, sooooo . . .

  2. I love your return on investment: two cents into $4? Now *that's* what I'm talking about.

    You sound like you have a good head for business. If I sent you, say, $10,000 could you turn that into $1 billion? Just let me get my checkbook...