All I Ever Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten. Or From Twilight. Whichever.

My job takes me to lots of different places during the fall. Today, I visited two elementary schools. As I waited in the hallways, I let myself drift back in time....back to 1990, when a much shorter version of me was in kindergarten.

I let the smells of the school--mostly disinfectant, with just a hint of vomit (thank gah the kids weren't back, because then I would smell cabbage. School cafeteria food always smells like cabbage in the south)--lull me back to the days of learning to tie my shoelaces so that I could finally get a pair of white leather Keds to wear mult-colored socks with. Back to the days of trying really, REALLY hard to color inside the lines so that I could win at least one--just one--coloring contest. Back to the days of freaking out my teachers because I talked like I was 30 years old because I was an only child and didn't know how to speak "kid".

Or specifically, back to the day when I pissed my pants doing nap mat duty because there was no teacher around to ask permission to use the restroom because they drilled it in us that we couldn't go to the bathroom unless we asked, so I held it and held it, hoping that my teacher would come back but she never did so I peed in my grey cordoroy overalls and had to wear a pair of grungy purple sweatpants from the lost and found box for the rest of the day.

Yay, me.

But the thing I remember the most were the bulletin boards. I was a sucker for a nicely decorated bulletin board. Those little round-faced kids with their beedy little eyes and single-lined smiles, doing all kinds of awesome things--fishing for good behavior, taking conduct out of this world--those kids were awesome.

It made me wish I was a little kid again. Especially if there were Twilight-themed bulletin boards, like this one:

Yes, Bella. Victoria found you. An amazing feat, considering you didn't even leave Forks or anything.

Kids today do have Twilight posters in libraries, encouraging them to, like, read or whatever.

If I ever had the misfortune to dislike reading...well, this would definitely change that.

So kids, enjoy your Twilight-filled school days. But always remember to run to the effing bathroom if you are about to piss yourself. To hell with permission.



Need to go back to school to learn how to sign my name at the end of each post,

Grey