Tuesday, January 26, 2010

RobFest: Headed to a Wal-Mart Near You.

Everyone in the Twi-world has been talking about Sundance for the past few days. Yes, we know that the Sundance Film Festival is "the premier showcase for new work from American and international independent filmmakers." (Quote lifted from Wikipedia, the source of all knowledge in the known universe.)

Our very own Kristen Stewart had two films in the festival,
Welcome to the Riley's and The Runaways. Now, we didn't really like Kristen Stewart when we first "met" her, but ever since she dropped that popcorn at the VMAs on national television and then went on to say, "I was just about as awkward as you thought I'd be," we loved the Stew. There is a pretty intense debate raging over at LTT regarding KStew--there have been over 400 comments. People are pretty outspoken when it comes to Stew Hate and Stew Love.

For the record, we are all about Stew Love here at WTFy'all.

But this post is not about the Stew. This post is about Stewdan...we mean, Sundance. Oh, our bad.....actually, it's not. But it's all related. *Sigh* You'll see.

There is nothing like Sundance or Cannes or anything remotely like that down here in the Wiregrass. Maybe we're stretching the truth a bit, we guess. We do have a film festival: the Johnny Mack Brown Western Festival, held every year at Landmark Park, a place where you can experience history on an 1890's living history farm, complete with an old farmhouse, smokehouse, cane mill, syrup shed, and sheep, mules, cows, chickens, goats and pigs. Drift back in time in a Victorian gazebo, a one-room schoolhouse, a drugstore and soda fountain, a country store or a turn-of-the-century church.

Wow, those kids are so happy to be running around OLD BUILDINGS.

We can't make this stuff up, people.

Anyway, back to our only film festival. Johnny Mack Brown, a Dothan native, was one of Hollywood's most famous B-movie Western stars from the 20's until the 50's. J-Mack (that's what we're going to call him) was in
over 160 movies! Yes, Hollywood cranked those puppies out overnight, but still...he's Dothan's only movie star.

Hot stuff.

So each year the Johnny Mack Brown Western Festival is held at Landmark Park (we don't really know how because we didn't realize that 1890's farms had electricity...) and is sponsored by Yellawood.

Do you know what Yellawood is? It's wood...that has a yellow tag on it.

Well, duh.

This is the dude that wants you to buy Yellawood. He is the Yella Fella, and he is the owner of the company. You can watch episodes of the Adventures of YellaFella at http://www.yellafella.com/. WE CANNOT MAKE THIS STUFF UP, PEOPLE. We are not that good.

We think that the Johnny Mack Brown Western Festival sponsored by Yellawood is a good start for introducing the beauty and power of
B-movies that got shot in one day important films to the Wiregrass. But as HardCore Twilight Fans, we would much rather see a festival that celebrates Robert Pattinson. We would call it RobFest. It would showcase Rob's finest films, including the cut scene from Vanity Fair, that Lord of the Rings (but with MULLETS!) rip-off Ring of the Nibelungs, the we-can't-understand-this-thriller-because-it's-British The Haunted Airman, and of course, the now-on-sale Little Ashes. Opening and closing films? Twilight and New Moon, of course.

Dude, we have GOT to see this movie.

We're actually going to need electricity to show these, so Landmark Park isn't an option. We're thinking we can project them on to the side of one of the Wal-Marts, and people can just park in the parking lot to watch. Just like a drive in. With the world's largest concession stand.

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