- 8 Seconds-- *For Rob's clarification: This is NOT instructions on microwaving Hot Pockets. You have nuked so many in your lifetime, you know it takes longer than that. We have NOT invented a super-fast Hot Pocket microwaving technique.* **Note to Andee from Grey: I have a little project that we need to be working on...** Rob is as a rising star on the pro rodeo circuit, taming wild bulls and winning the affection of a slacker games carney at the county fair. His rise to the top is stalled when he himself falls in love with a rodeo clown, and their forbidden love threatens to destroy everything. (Alternate ending--Rob falls in love with the bull.) Everybody knows that cowboys walk funny from all that ridin' and probably those chaps. Rob has the wonky walk DOWN.At least Rob can keep his plaid.
- Gone With the Wind--Rob stars as Rhett Butler in this modern-day remake of the epic classic. When Rhett first sees Scarlett O'Hara, the town's most famous 16-year-old-pretending-to-be-an-18-year-old stripper, he is immediately infatuated with her. ButScarlett has another passion--cooking, specifically with oregano. Throughout a very inopportune vampire war and the devastating legalization of brothels which threatens to put Scarlett's "Show-But-No-Tail" strip joint out of business, Rhett pursues Scarlett, but she can't see anything other than her oregano-based recipes. When she finally realizes that it's Rhett and not oregano she loves, it's too late--Rhett has left her to attend a school for witches and wizards in England. (It's really long because they have to fully develop the vampire war, but it's totally worth it.)So I totally made this.......but then remembered that I saw THIS today.
- Smokey and the Bandit--Rob is Bo Bandit, a legendary truck driver known for makin'the fast hauls. A mysterious stranger offers the makers of Hot Pockets $10 million dollars if they can deliver a semi-truck full of Pepperoni Hot Pockets across the United States in four days. Hot Pocket hires Bo to make it happen. Bo's travel across the US is one big high speed chase as Joe Green, the country's largest organic farmer who wants to rid the world of microwaved products, tries to stop him. When Bo finally makes it to his destination, the back of the truck is EMPTY. Bo doesn't get his cut of the $1 million, and the Hot Pocket makers lose their inventory. PLOT TWIST: The movie ends with a shot of Bo pulling up at an abandoned storage unit. He pulls up the door to reveal a unit FULL OF HOT POCKETS. Bo reveals that he was the mysterious stranger all along, and now has a storage unit full of FREE HOT POCKETS.
Smokey is not a flavor of Hot Pocket. It is trucker slang for the police. You cannot eat the police.
This is what happens when I attend rodeos.
P.S. This was in my head the ENTIRE time I wrote this. I don't like country music, but I can handle me some Garth Brooks in small doses. This dose is getting rather large.
Well, it's bulls and blood, it's dust and mud, it's the roar of a Sunday crowd,
it's the white in his knuckles, the gold in the buckle, he'll win the next go-round
it's boots, it's chaps, it's cowboy hats, it's spurs and latigo
it's the ropes and the reins and the joy and the pain and they call the thing RODEO.