Monday, May 24, 2010

You Got it, Dude!

So today, I check the tweets ( or "check ze tweets" because every time I get on Twitter each morning, I sing the silly song from Craig Ferguson's show) and I find pictures of Rob out and about. He's heading back from a work out, apparently. Rob's fans are awesome, because they quickly ascertain that Rob is holding keys in the post-workout pics. Keys...which must mean he's driving again.

Remember when we saw him driving the Porsche down the hill from Stewie's house last year? And he looked a little funny in that car, like maybe that car wasn't really his personality, and then all of a sudden the car went away? And we found out later in a New Moon press interview with Entertainment Weekly that Rob actually wrecked it?

So Rob's back in driving action, which is sweet, except I imagine driving is pretty nerveracking for him. You know, because he's British and we drive on the opposite side of the road. Or because he's being chased by swarms/hordes/herds of paparazzi, and they're making traffic conditions a little unsafe. Or, maybe just because Rob is, well....Rob, and those wonky legs trying to accelerate, brake or change gears is just too darn adorable. The taxi cab and the short, drunk walk home were invented for Robert Pattinson.

So, to recap--pictures with keys, which means he's driving again.

And then I see this picture, and there are no words. Seriously, the words don't immediately come. I am drawn, drawn I tell you, into what exactly had to happen in order for THIS to happen:

Rob. At Uncle Jesse's house. For Danny Tanner's birthday party.

And then, the pictures click. Rob driving. Rob drinking at Danny Tanner's birthday party. Getting ready to leave. Danny's shouting obsenities at the top of his voice, and only pauses his joke about vaginas to shout "Peace out, motherf*cker!" to Rob as he leaves. Uncle Jesse passes Rob, ball cap in hand, in the front hall, takes one look at Rob's hair, and utters a low "Have mercy..." under his breath before walking away.

Rob, a little tipsy, fishes the car keys out of his pocket. He really shouldn't drive, he thinks, but it's just around the block. He slides into the driver's seat, puts the key in the ignition....

.....and then this totally happens.

We'll hear about it soon, in some press article for Eclipse. Kristen will be all, "Remember that time you thought R stood for radio and you drove your rental car through John Stamos' kitchen?" and Rob will mumble something that sounds like "Well, if they had labeled it GB for Go Backwards, this never would have happened," and Taylor will sit there and pray that no one asks him to catch grapes in his mouth. Again.

*Super Conspiracy Corner!*

Rob at John Stamos' house.

John Stamos with Rob Zombie in this Twit Pic

Rob Zombie entertaining KStew with his lovely music, which includes a song called "Dragula" which sounds suspiciously like "Dracula" but really is a play on words from the car in "The Munsters". Or that's what Wikipedia told me

You totally see it, right? Rob linked to John Stamos linked to Rob Zombie linked to Kristen Stewart? And the fact that this Rob Zombie dude shares a whole lot in common with a certain vampire young adult novel we all love? Well that's good, because I don't. I just thought it was an interesting coincidence. Certainly not further divine proof that Robsten exists. No, nothing like that at all.

Grey loves all her Forkheads!!!


  1. Wow. I don't really know what to say except, THAT WAS UHMAZING.

    I didn't know Roberto was in a car accident with that ugly overpriced car? Poor guy. He is all awkward and long legs... and sex hair. Can't forget the sex hair.

    Robsten definitely exists. Trust me. Not because, I "know" super secret celebrity relationship statuses, but because I can tell when a dude wants to bang a chick. He wants to bang her. It's just... obvious.

  2. The sex hair clogs up the rear view mirror. Rob can't see for shit with the sex hair. That's why he had to wear a baseball cap in the porsche pic. The day he wrecked it? All he could see behind him was sex hair.