Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Alright, STOP. Collaborate and LISTEN. Rob is back with a brand new HAIR TRIM (We tried. Honest. YOU try to make "listen" rhyme with "haircut".)

Y'all, exciting things are happening in the Twilight universe, and somedays, it's all we can do not to jump up from our office chairs and do a spontaneous happy dance in our cubicles. (Grey: Or closet, if you're Andee. Come to think of it, she actually *could* do a spontaneous happy dance in her closet because no one would see it. I'll have to remind her of that.) Eclipse, Eclipse, ECLIPSE everywhere--talk show appearances, new clips, new posters, tickets on sale, official merchandise previews, new stills--it's enough to blow a Twifan's mind. Just typing about it makes us do little tiny "squee's" in the privacy of our own heads and about every five minutes on GTalk. Here's some of the recent stuff we love (and love to hate, unfortunately):

We'll start out with Rob's new haircut. It's cute. We like, but to be honest, we'd like anything Robert Freaking Pattinson did with his hair, face, fingers, toes, belly button lint...Rob's all good. (Grey: But I can't help but see the hair and think.....oh gah, I can't say it..........ok, it reminds me......of.......Vanilla Iceicebabytoocoldtoocold!!!!!)

Hot Rob with new haircut on Ellen. Other than Ellen and Rob looking like twins (do you see that? DO YOU SEE THAT???), there is nothing weird about this picture. Rob is hotness.
This is Vanilla Ice. Not hotness. Total coldness, no pun intended. Ok, fine it was totally intended. Rob, Grey apologizes for her traitor brain betraying you (Twilight reference, anyone?) by associating anything about you with Vanilla Ice. Please don't stop loving her.

Obviously, Rob debuted his new hair on the Ellen show, where he was also felt up on national television by an Aussie flight attendant, who failed to correctly identify him from two other guys. Now if instead of Welcome to Forks, Y'all, we ripped off a super famous/super freaking fortunate website that gets to meet Stephenie Meyer like LTT/LTR and called ourselves Letters to An Aussie Flight Attendant Who Got to Feel Up Robert Pattinson, our letter would look like this:

Dear Aussie Flight Attendant Who Got to Feel Up Robert Pattinson,

First off, we hate you. You got to lay hands on the precious. You got to lay your hands ALL OVER the precious. There's no way we could be friends with you. You're probably a nice girl, but the jealous envy seeping continuously from every single pore in our bodies like a certain oil spill that had better not threaten our ability to eat delicious seafood or the livelyhood of said seafood fishermen or the wildlife that we *aren't* considering eating but that call the Gulf of Mexico home would certainly get in the the way of polite conversation. Also, the huge clumps of your hair in our hands would probably not help, either.
Secondly, Aussie Flight Attendant, you seriously couldn't pick out Rob? You must not be a Rob fan, becuase every good Rob fan knows you go for the fingers. Have you seen what the man does with his fingers? He can bend them backwards WHILE bending them forewards, for Pete's sake!! (Who is Pete, by the way? Does anyone know?) I know you may have thought, "Go for the shoes, he'll be the one in sneakers," but Rob totally had you fooled there because he wore his big boy dressy shoes!
In conclusion, Aussie Flight Attendant, we don't like you because you got to grope Rob and we didn't. We also know you can't be a real Rob fan because you couldn't correctly identify him while blindfolded. But we guess all your future airplane passengers should be grateful you're not a huge fan, because it wouldn't be very sanitary for you to hand them their complimentary peanuts with your "I'll never wash these hands again" hands.
Andee and Grey

Next up is the Bella/Rosalie clip that Nikki Reed debuted on Ellen this week, on the day that we belatedly heard was her birthday. Poor Nikki. We feel like sometimes she just doesn't get very much love. Is it because her character is such a bitch? Is it because Nikki seems bitter sometimes, maybe because KStew finally gave in and started making out with Rob instead of fake making out with her? Whatever--we love Nikki AND Rosalie, and Nikki does some pretty good acting in this highly ironic clip.

What we didn't love? The wig. We're tired of saying it, and we think that maybe we'll just stop because it's always gonna be the wig. We were just a little upset because we had such high hopes for Rosalie's hair this movie. All the pictures have indicated, at least to us, that her hair, while indeed being recognizable as a wig, would not be totally sucky. And at the first wide shot, we still had hope, but alas, both Bella and Rose's wigs were not good. What was good was the acting--Nikki knocked it out of the park, from the disdainfully chuckled "Hate?" to the wry "I don't particularly like you..." to the emotionally honest admission that she envy's Bella, Nikki was spot on as Rosalie. No Oscars here, but if there's an award for Accurate Portrayal of Secret Envy Disguised as Hate for a Human by a Vampire, she would win it. And even with the wigs (or maybe because of them, in Bella's case), Rosalie totally looks like a hot supernatural being when compared with Bella, which wasn't what we always felt in New Moon.

This shiz is getting long, y'all (That's what sh- Nope, nope...too easy. Wait until it's harder. THAT'S WHAT SHE SA- NO, still too easy) so we're outta here. Maybe tomorrow we'll show you the beauty that is KStew's supermodel pose in the USA Today outtakes and go over the new Eclipse TV spot, "Destiny." Until then, our sweet Forkheads. Until then.


  1. Flippin' hilarious. You had me at Vanilla Ice. Then you pwned with Rob's bendy fingers. But when I read 'Accurate Portrayal of Secret Envy Disguised as Hate for a Human by a Vampire'? That's when I quit my job and applied for an internship at WTFY. You can pay me in jellybeans and invitations to Andee's house for dinner. Sorry, Grey. That's the mexican casserole of a killer, Bella.

  2. I remember being in kindergarten, balancing on these long blocks of wood, while trying to learn each and every word of that song. My cousin knew all the cool songs. He even knew all the songs from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cassette soundtrack from Pizza Hut. "You gotta fight to be free, you gotta fight for what is right.." Gah, I miss the early 90's.