Monday, October 4, 2010

This is why you will never see me naked. You're welcome, Mom.

Two Things that Happened Today:

Thing Number One:  I got asked to create a very simple 10-question Twilight quiz for the local magazine I freelance for.

Thing Number Two: I got asked to create a very simple 10-question Twilight quiz for the local magazine I freelance for because the editor apparently FOUND THE ADDRESS OF THIS BLOG and KNOWS I WRITE IT and wanted to know if he could expose me to the entire city of Dothan by making this blog and my connection to it public knowledge link to it in the magazine and then I had a little freakout at my desk because if the little old ladies at church who come up to me on Sundays and tell me that they read my articles while sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office found out that I have a blog where I frequently curse just for the hell of it, reference sex acts that I may or may not want to perform with certain celebrities and photoshop pictures of Robert Pattinson and Kirsten Stewart onto the murals that surround our town, I would die. There's also the potential of certain people finding out that while I'm supposed to be doing a certain thing (working), I could possibly be blogging instead. Maybe. Definitely not. But it's likely.

Obviously, the consequences of this revelation would be dire. I am certainly not ashamed of Twilight, or of this blog, nor of you fine people, but it's like this: If I were a world-famous movie star, would I do a movie with nudity or heavy swearing? No, and do you know why? Because my mommy would see it. And that's something my mommy doesn't need to see. Just like this blog is something that Dothan, Alabama doesn't need to see. Well, actually I would love for them to see it, but they don't need to know it's XXXXoX XXaXXX who writes it. Andee feels the same way.

So Editor of the Magazine I Freelance For, please, for the love of all things good and pure and righteous in this crazy world, do not link this blog to the magazine that my Grandmother reads. She knows how to use the internet and she would come looking for me. I really don't want her to stop giving me those extremely useful savings bonds I always get for my birthday. Always.

BONUS THING NUMBER THREE: You like the new website? Me too.



P.S. Oh geez, Editor of the Magazine I Freelance For knows I have a fake name, too. Like a porn star.


  1. YOU ARE ASHAMED OF US. I SEE IT! *sees it*

    I have keen vision. Like an eaglehawkhybrid thing. Nothing will be hidden from me.

    Yes, I do like the new blog. It was all like BLAM! and I was like WOAH!

    I can see why you wouldn't want to be linked. I would absolutely DIE if someone found out I was "fangbanger". EGADS.

  2. Too late. *links*

    Just kidding. It's just me, StotheP.

    Congrats on the recognition, but I agree. None of our pale, withered online personalities need to be dragged kicking and screaming into the light of day. I, personally, do not sparkle.

  3. Dear StotheP,

    You scared the crap out of me.



    P.S. I hope I don't have to get a fake name for my fake name. That may constitute losing touch with reality...