Do's and Don'ts of Meeting Twilight Stars

Well, it's officially upon us. The day we've been waiting for. That's right--the McRib is coming back.

No seriously, it's coming back. November 2nd. Watch for it.

But the other day we were waiting for was the day the Twilight cast arrived in Baton Rouge. They did, last Friday. They are there. And some day soon, we will be, too. Not because we're crazy stalkers who really need to ruin Robsten's day. We just want to be there, to be a part of the magic that is Twilight. Hell, we infrequently update write a blog about it--we'd be crazy not to take the opportunity to head over to Baton Rouge for a nice weekend and share our zany experiences with you guys.

But just in case we--or anyone else visiting Baton Rouge--happen to actually *gasp* meet any of the Twilight stars, this week we'd like to offer some helpful little hints on the proper behavior when engaging the elusive Twilightis Amazingus.

How to Successfully Engage Twilight Stars

Robert Pattinson--The Smokin' Hot Approach

The best way to meet Robert Pattinson is to engage him while he is smoking, probably outside a club or bar. Are you a smoker? Excellent! (Bet you haven't heard that since 1960.) Not a smoker? Well, you are now. The crux of this plan depends on Robert Pattinson being lighterless, so...

Step One: Steal Robert Pattinson's lighter. You will require a friend to help out with this one, because the friend will actually need to flash Rob her boobs so that while he's distracted, you can sneak over to the table/ledge/curb where his lighter rests and take it.

Step Two: Offer to light Rob's cigarette. This is enable you to engage him in conversation and also obtain close physical proximity to The Precious. Walk up to him, light the lighter and hold it up to his cigarette. Try not to use the lighter you just stole from him. If you are a smoker, this step should be simple, and conversation will likely begin. Congratulations! If you are not a smoker, please pay careful attention to the next step.

Step Three: DO NOT SET ROBERT PATTINSON ON FIRE.

Step Four: If you do set Robert Pattinson on fire, put him out. However, DO NOT PUT ROBERT PATTINSON OUT WITH THE GLASS OF GIN YOU WERE DRINKING TO MAKE YOURSELF LESS NERVOUS ABOUT NOT SETTING ROBERT PATTINSON ON FIRE.

Step Five: If you set Robert Pattinson on fire, tried to put him out with gin and made it worse, GET WATER. Douse Robert Pattinson with water. Then run, because Kristen Stewart is totally going to beat you up.

The ideal scenario only uses Steps One and Two. Obviously.

Andee and Grey


Next up: Peter Facinelli--The Don't Forget To Say His Last Name Approach!!