Thursday, January 6, 2011

ROBSTEN4LYFE: Observations from the People's Choice Awards

Well, last night was the PCA's, otherwise known as the People's Choice Awards. Now, I'm going to stop you right there and make an executive decision--last night's PCA's now offically stands for the Pretty Crappy Awards.
Best thing that happened all night? This picture was taken.

First of all, Queen Latifah? No. Seriously, everything I want to type, I just can't. Because eventually I would be typing the entire show's transcript. It was that bad. The only thing I enjoyed other than the Twilight parts (and no, I DID NOT enjoy watching Queen L interview R, K and T. It was the most horrific thing I've watched on television since Bama Belles.) was when it was over.

Watch all the awesome Twilight parts here at, which I love because it combines my two favorite entertainment things!

Secondly, who are these "People" who do the choosing???  The "People" chose Zac Efron over Rob and that means that the "People" have officially lost their minds and ergo, their ability to vote in the future. So next year, we're going to have the FYRCA's (Forks Y'all's RIGHT Choice Awards) instead, where every category goes to Rob. My predictions for the 2012 FYRCA's?

Best Movie: Breaking Dawn Part 1

Best Actor of All Time:  Robert Pattinson

Best Musical Performer: Robert Pattinson, for his new song on the Breaking Dawn Part 1 soundtrack (you know your fingers are crossed for that one!) PERFORMED LIVE BY PATTINSON AT THE FYRCA'S !!!!!!

Best TV Actor: Robert Pattinson, for his second appearance on Jimmy Kimmel's "Bothered" sketches

Best Actress: Kristen Stewart (but just by a nose...Robert Pattinson was in a close second place. He only lost because of his lack of vagina. So actually, I guess you would say Kristen won by a vagina.*)

At first, I was a little disappointed in the slight lack of Robsten interaction. I probably was expecting too much. I had in mind lots of eye f*cking and hand brushing thigh action. What we got was an almost handhold, lots of longing looks from Rob, and Kristen holding on to Taylor for dear life.

I was a little upset.

But the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. They are obviously incredibly private people with their relationship and lives in general, and there they were, sitting in the FRONT ROW, nothing to hide behind, only the stage in front of them and cameras in their faces. Even their body postures tried to create a barrier from the horrible openness, to protect themselves. Plus, there's the fact that they were at arguably the world's more horrific awards show. So no, Kristen is not going to be at her most comfortable and they're not going to make out for my benefit. However, the looks that Rob gave Kristen all night made my little heart feel so great. Oh, to be looked at by someone the way Rob looks at Kristen. Oh, to be looked at by Rob the way he does to Kristen. Oh, to be looked at by Rob at all.

 Kristen did very well on stage, though. She had the best line of the night: "I was a vampire this morning." (They are supposed to be filming the end "battle scene" this week, so not only was she a vamp, but a kick ass vamp. Sweetness.) And massive, MASSIVE props to her rocking those heels and not falling down. I tweeted last night that I'm almost positive that Rob did not walk her up those steps because he is just as klutzy as she is. So instead Taylor walked her up the stage. Disaster averted.

Another disaster averted? Not seeing Stew's "stewie", which is now my extremely affection nickname for her vagina. (No wonder she's creeped out by some of her fans. We go around making up nicknames for her private parts. That's like the people at the mall where I walk every day making up names for my hoo-hah. I bet if they did, they'd call it "Speedy".) Seriously, her dress was short. She has the best legs I've ever seen, and so naturally, I enjoyed getting to see almost all of them, but there were a few times when I seriously thought she was about to flash us all (and actually make the PCA's interesting). Thank goodness she knows how to get around in skirts (and that Taylor was there to help put her clothes back on. Sigh. Probably the story of Taylor's life. Always back on, never off...)

And then there's Rob. Oh, Rob. You were so cute. And thank goodness, you didn't make any jokes about pooping yourself. It was so funny when you were leaning over to hear what they were saying. That and the horrible jacket you were wearing made you look like a 65 year old man. It was adorable, as was your quip that you had already broken the PCA phone. You probably did, actually.

So there's my little recap of the what was formerly known as the PCA's. Get ready for next year's FYRCA's. It's going to be awesome Robsome.


P.S. Love this.

*I'm just being funny. Stew's probably a better actor than Rob is.



    Sorry for screaming but... I wanna see her!

    Lovely post. My hopes didn't get all crushed up. Please let me be a presenter at the FYRCA'S. Or Rob's official face licker or something.


  2. You shall be both Rob's Official Face Licker (it's capitalized so you know it's for real) AND Offical Stewie Monitor. Just make sure you take your tongue off Rob's face long enough to keep the Stewie under wraps.


  3. I must say I'm disappointed by the lack of nudity in this post... BUTT if we HAD had to wait for it, it would have been worth it. Because this post is battered in win and deep-fried in awesome sauce.

    Thank you for recapping and thus sparing me from watching these awards. Thank you for making hilariously inappropriate remarks about a stranger's no-no special place. Thank you in advance for letting me host or be a performing act at the FYRCAs.

  4. You can do whatever you want at next year's FYRCA's. As long as there's no nudity. I mean, it's network television.

    Ok fine, just no special no-no nudity.