CRAZY THOUGHTS

Every once in a while (usually Monday's), we feel a little bent out of shape. I think it's because we would rather be lying on a bright sandy beach somewhere exotic while tanned, oiled manservants attend to our every whim and keep our Cosmo's filled instead of at work. So on those days, when we've got the cube blues (or the office-that-is-so-small-it-was-probably-really-a-closet-but-this-is-the-only-place-they-have-so-it's-now-my-workspace-GREAT-I-work-in-a-closet blues), the crazies pop into our heads.

Don't worry. We're ok.

Our crazies aren't harmful. Usually, they just serve to lessen some of the Monday Morning Anxiety, and are pretty funny. Nothing homicidal.

Yet.

Anyway, today's CRAZY THOUGHTS, courtesy of G-Mail Chat.

Crazy Thought #1: Are we those pyscho Robsteners that everyone makes fun of?

"OMG, Rob and Kristen's wedding would so look JUST. LIKE. THIS."

Grey: DID YOU READ AWFUL TRUTH? *Note: in reference to today's Awful Truth post about Robsten "taking a break"*

Andee: no....do i need to now?
Grey: yes...
*after reading*
Andee: i'm a sad panda :(
Grey: Do we believe it? *because, apparently, we must think as one*
Andee: i figure its very possible
Grey: Or do we know that Rob is working and Kristen is at home to promote her movies, etc.
Andee: yea they could still b "together" but apart...but that is a very long distance apart
Grey: This is what they did when she was filming runaways and he was filming remember me, and it was all "are they/aren't they" but Ted always said they were together then...and now he's saying that they're taking a break and it's the same situation
Andee: hmmmm....should we believe ted?
Grey: i don't know!!! he's always loved robsten, but he's probably just doing this just to get hits on his website, after all he IS a gossip columnist
Andee: yea your right about that
Grey: I don't want to be one of those crazy robsten people, but this makes me really, really sad
Andee: news flash grey....we are those crazy robsten ppl
Grey: NO! we are not those crazy robsten people that believe that their fairy tale love is as epic as edward and bellas, who believe that they really sit on a fur rug in front of a roaring fire and read poetry to each other i think that they get it on whenever they are together...i just hoped that they would be a "couple" not just eff buddies oh gah, i am a crazy robstener, aren't i? aren't i? why aren't you answering?
Andee: yes, cause you are thinking about them effing haha
Grey: no, no, thinking that they were hooking up is normal...thinking that they were in love and were a "couple" and wanted them to be that "couple" that went out to eat, and went on trips together, etc. IS crazy robsten behavior
Andee: yes and you are exhibiting that kind of behavior
Grey: Oh, gah, I am, aren't i?
*20 minutes later*
Grey: if rob and kstew aren't together anymore, i won't be able to watch twilight or new moon without crying, that's not crazy, right?
Andee: well its the truth for both of us so i'll only admit that its a teensy bit crazy

Crazy Thought #2 Wouldn't it be awesome if Grey were famous?

A.K.A. "The State of Alabama is a real Rob-blocker"

Grey: so rob is going to be in a slutty photoshoot with details magazine
Andee: by himself? *Note: the thought of Rob in a slutty magazine shoot by himself is awesome...and is holding us over until 5:00pm*
Grey: nope,with naked models like the one that adam lambert did that's what the twitter machine is saying
Andee: weird....kstew is going to b so jealous
Grey: i know! well she DID kiss dakota for runaways, so maybe this is rob getting even, also...you don't happen to feel like going to new york in march, do you? *Note: the hilarity that would be Andee and Grey alone in NYC is totally worth everyone who reads this sending in $ for plane fare...trust us*
Andee: wish i could...but i doubt i will be able to do much of anything until after june 30
Grey: ?
Andee: b/c ALL I repeat ALL of my work is due by june 30 this year which is the first year they have ever done this
Grey: that is crazysauce
Andee: yes. They. Is. Crazy.
Grey: But at least they knew that you were going to be busy watching Eclipse on June 30th, so they wanted it to all be over for you by then, that was really sweet of the State of Alabama
Andee: haha, that's true, you'd think since the state did that, then they'd be really big Twilight fans and understand why i need to go to new york for rememeber me. THE STATE OF ALABAMA IS LITERALLY KEEPING ME FROM SEEING ROB.
Grey: bwahahahaha, stupid jobs
Andee: i know...why do we have to WORK for a living....you need to find someway to be famous so i can follow you around and u could just work for like 1 mth a year
Grey: I KNOW well, since rob and kstew are maybe possibly "taking a break" this would be a good time to get into show business, meet rob, make him fall in love with me, and hire you as my manager
Andee: Yeah...
Grey: I will get right on that

Crazy Thought #3: What if Rob Falls in Love with One of his Costars in the Sexy Bel Ami?

"Aww, how sweet, Christina brought me a teddy bea-" NO, ROB, NO!! DO NOT FALL FOR THE RICCI!

Grey: Crazy thought--what if Rob falls in love with Christina Ricci??????????????? OMG!

Andee: But she was in BLACK SNAKE MOAN

Grey: and?

Andee: oh nothing, that title just makes me giggle, but hey, she WAS in our favorite episode of Grey's, with Bomb Squad Guy

Grey: OH YEAH, she was the idiot who took her hand out of the body so that mer had to be with the bomb, stupid little EMT

*Note: We realize that the lines above are spaced differently than the lines below. That was not a problem until we added the picture of Christina Ricci. We are blaming it on the Ricci. She is a Line Effer Upper*

Grey: Or UMA THURMAN?????
Andee: nope, nope, just.....no
Grey: You know...it was supposed to be Nicole Kidman
Andee: For realsies?
Grey: And you know how i love her, she is my movie twin, ever since i was in 7th grade and had that sun-in accident and turned my hair red, and HER hair was red, and I had those bangs that started at the top of my head and went all the way to my eyebrows, and SHE had bangs for Practical Magic, and everyone said i looked like her...they would still say it now if i hadn't gained 10 pounds since high school and she wasn't in her 40s....
Andee: I remember those bangs
Grey: so i would be ok with rob falling in love with nicole, seriously, i was really excited when i heard that she was supposed to be in it, and sad when she had a scheduling conflict
Andee: but then keith urban and rob would have to fight for nicole...and i think keith would win, cause rob's all uncoordinated and stuff
Grey: and that would be sad, to let an austrailian country music singer with long, straight-ironed hair beat the crap outta you...

Reason #2 Rob Should Visit Lower Alabama: Charitable Electronic Bingo

*Tonight is the night of George Clooney's star-studded charity telethon for Haiti. Since Rob is involved, it will obviously be a success. Or will it? LTR's Version of Tonight's Telethon . Anyway, in the spirit of "charity" comes today's post. Prayers to Haiti and good luck with the telethon, Rob! I can't watch it, and I will explain why not on Monday--Grey*

Is Rob a betting man? We're not totally sure. Of course, he IS currently dating Kristin “Sure Thing” Stewart*, so maybe he’s not into taking risks. On the other hand, he had to know that the odds of being able to handle her mullet were 50-50, and he took that action anyway, so maybe he is. If that is the case, then Rob The Gambler would have a great time in Lower Alabama, partaking in our famous Charitable Electronic Bingo.

Just like Las Vegas. Except not.

A little bit of background:

Charitable Electronic Bingo (or as the blue-haired old ladies down here lovingly pronounce it, “bang-o”) is a big issue down in the Wiregrass at the moment. See, gambling is sometimes illegal/sometimes legal in Alabama (you have to check daily to know for sure, it is very ambiguous), but bingo for charity is ok.

Now, by bingo for charity, we think what the Alabama government means is like what they do down at the Shriners Hall—smoky, crowded rooms, with older ladies sitting elbow to elbow, 12 to 24 bingo cards laid out in front of each lady, purple bingo marker firmly gripped in the right hand, teal bingo marker in the left hand (you can daub twice as fast that way!), cigarette dangling from ruby red lips. All eyes glued to the monitor, watching for the next ball to pop out, hoping—nay, PRAYING—that it is B 14, the one square needed to achieve the elusive diamond shaped B-I-N-G-O. Ahh, sweet, sweet victory for those ruby-lipped, double-daubing ladies. And for the Shriners Hospital, who gets all the proceeds from the event.

One of my favorite Roseanne episodes of all time--when Roseanne gets addicted to bingo. Double-dauber style.

I’m betting that Rob would fit right in at the Shriners Hall. I can see him now, with his one bingo card (maybe two, if he’s hasn't had too much to drink already), bingo marker in right hand, Hot Pocket in left hand (they have a microwave in the back), cigarette dangling from perfectly kissable lips that suddenly declare “BINGO!” because he just won the first round with ball N 41 and is declared Bingo King for the rest of the night. (That means every time N 41 is called out, one of the bingo bosses shouts out “Pay the King!” or something like that, and the King gets $50! So it pays to be the Bingo King.)

I just wanted to post this incredibly hot new picture of Rob. I don't know how I'm going to make it relate to bingo. Oh wait, I just typed bingo. So now it relates.

And even though everyone in the entire building looks right at him and grumbles “Got damn” (correct spelling—that is how it sounds when old southern people say GD) every time someone yells “Pay the King!”, no one would have any idea who the hell you were. Because they’ve probably never seen Twilight, or Harry Potter, or Little Ashes. (I can almost guarantee you they’ve never seen Little Ashes.) You’ll just be the Thursday Night Bingo King to them. I know you wouldn’t mind the anonymity.

And Dali was his name-o.

But we were talking about Charitable Electronic Bingo, right? Sorry. Well, CEB is nothing like Shriners Bingo. It’s more like slots, apparently. You just press a button, and your bingo card on the screen fills up electronically. If you have 5 in a row, you win! There’s this brand new, huge bingo pavilion that just opened up down here, and boy howdy, it’s hopping all the time. People are lined up to play the slots, I mean, bingo, and to mix and mingle with country music’s finest—George Jones, Lorrie Morgan, etc. Oh, that's because it’s a COUNTRY themed bingo pavilion. Open 24 hours a day, seven days a week to cater to Lower Alabama’s finest compulsive gamblers and folks just out for a good time.

So if Rob comes down on a Thursday, we can take him to the Shriners Hall for some traditional “bang-o”. We’ll stay there until they kick us out (which is 10pm, by the way) and then we’ll head down 231 South to the all night electronic bingo pavilion, turn $20 into $43.50, get sloshed on Sutter Home served chilled in a plastic cup, and JAM OUT to Kenny Rogers’ “The Gambler” all night long. “You gotta know when to hold ‘em…know when to fold ‘em…”


*We don't know if KStew's nickname is really "Sure Thing." We are not privy to whether or not she puts out. We just thought it was funny.

UPDATE: In the 10 seconds between finishing this blog post and checking out Twitter, Rob must have read this. He totally has his Electronic Bingo look nailed.