Wednesday, November 3, 2010

More Do's and Don'ts for Meeting Twilight Stars

Today we have another help tip on How to Successfully Engage Robert Pattinson. (We think about him alot, so he gets the most tips.) Today's tip focuses on Rob's love of overpriced vintage (ie, used) band t-shirts.

Step One: Approach Rob. Slowly. Don't scare him off.

Step Two: Tell Rob how awesome his band shirt is. Bonus points for knowing some of the band's songs. EXTRA SPECIAL SUPER bonus points for actually going to the concert where the shirts were sold orginally AND owning the same t-shirt and wearing it until there were giant holes in both the armpits and was so thin that you could count all your back moles but you didn't care because you thought it was the most awesome shirt on the face of the planet but one day signifcant other threw it out even though she says she never touched it and you must have lost it somewhere but you totally know it was her. Bitch.

You can probably leave most of that out, actually. Just tell him you had the same shirt.

Step Three: Prove that you love music too by showing him your band t-shirt.

If you're band t-shirt is as cool as Rob's, congratulations! You have successfully engaged Robert Pattinson. He may ask to touch you, because you are so awesome.

If you're "band" t-shirt is actually from that Britney Spears concert you went to (twice!), that's probably not as cool to Rob as it is to you, even if you do know all the lyrics to "If U Seek Amy" which is a really awesome song that basically lets you walk around singing "F*ck me, f*ck me" and get away with it. Rob will probably not want to touch you.


Then you're good. Let the touching begin.


  1. Maybe if you SING "F*ck me, f*ck me" at Rob, he will still want to touch you.

    Then again, maybe he will want the police to touch you instead.

    Either way, thanks for the tip. We're following your example. Go ahead. Sing at him. Do it, do it.

  2. Whooooa, there. If you thought that this post was going to be about us agreeing to follow Rob around saying "f*ck me, f*ck me" then....CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.