Last night I was lying in bed and COULD NOT fall asleep (my husband def didn't have that problem, I could tell he was asleep by his SNORING)...
And if you were wondering...NO, I did not dream of decapitating "Grey the hitchhiker"...although I really should have for pay back purposes!
Finally I just had enough of it and left the room and got in my "reading" chair. I had no idea what I was doing because I HAVE NOTHING GOOD TO READ right now...
until....
I glanced at the coffee table where low and behold I saw "Twilight"....this was my thought process:
"Andee, Twilight is sitting right over there...why don't you just pick it up and read it for the 4th time?"
"No, You've read it 4 times, why would you really want to read it again?"
"You know you want to, it's like a drug to you bwahahahah!"
"Andee, don't do it what if this 4th time makes a difference and start getting *cringe* tired of it?"
"Are you kidding? You could never get "TIRED" of Twilight!"
So I picked it up anyway and read the whole first chapter...
And got completely hooked AGAIN!
I wonder how long this will go on? What do you think?
I've usually been a pretty individualist person, but probably more so now than when I was in high school. I was probably as unique back then as any other high school varsity cheerleader/valedictorian/parakeet owner/Buick driver/scholar's bowl member/drunk party girl from a small town. (Which is, actually, not very unique for where we come from...the two previous valedictorians at our school were also cheerleaders. Our cheerleaders were smarties. Gimme An "A"! Oh, and a lot of them also drank. Go figure.)
I only remember wishing I could be more like two people growing up. The first one was Melissa Joan Hart in Clarissa Explains It All. Oh, boy, did I want to be like Clarissa. The hair, the clothes, the room, her pet alligator...I used to find the most effed up clothes and jewelry I owned and threw them all together. I probably looked like a hobo in tiny Troll doll earrings and a side ponytail.
The second person wasn't famous, she was a girl at our high school. She was--and still is to me--the prettiest high school student I had ever known. She was a cheerleader, too, but also a real rebel--a little bit of a stoner, hung out with inappropriate boys, generally was wild and crazy. (Secret: Andee was in love with her little brother.) My parents were way strict, so I couldn't mimic her in those ways, but I did the one thing I could do to be more like her--plucked my eyebrows into itty bitty almost non-existant lines. Big mistake in hindsight, but I thought it was SO AWESOME back then.
And now, here I am at 25 years old, finding myself mimicking yet another person. I thought by now, I'd be 100% Grey. But I can't help but want to be a little more like Kristen Stewart.
When I first got into Twilight, I was only "meh" about Kristen. I thought she was just average looking, kinda weird maybe, a little standoffish, and I certainly didn't like her taste in clothes. But then I watched the MTV Movie Awards, and when she almost kissed Rob and dropped her award and said that PERFECT line, I fell in love.
I also may have found my celebrity upper arm twin.
Now, I've got my Fauxbans. (Not real Raybans...I am fearful that the Fashion Police will call them uncool right after I shell out the $130. Tell me they'll be in style forever and I'll ask for some for a wedding present.)
I've got a pair of teal Converse sneakers.
My favorite watch (and I got this before I knew KStew had one that looked like it, I SWEAR) has a white face, gold trim and leather strap. I love wearing my Bella St. Jude bracelet. I have it on today.
I wear lots of skinny jeans, and lots of blacks and greys and whites, with oversized shirts. (Which I do not tie at the hip. KStew wouldn't either if she had been old enough during the great t-shirt-tied-at-the-hip-with-a-hair-scrunchi-or-pulled-through-a-plastic-ring debacle of the early 1990's.)
I had even given up graphic tee's, associating them with my early college years, only to find that since I've seen Kristen rock them, I want some too. My favorite one now is a sparkly zebra tee. I like to watch the sparkles dance around my car and think that if I was a vampire, that's what my skin would look like.
The latest KStew photos. I wonder if Rob will end up in that hat?
I can't do everything like the the Stew. I can't date Rob Pattinson. I can't wear black tennis shoes. I. Just. Can't. I would never cut off my long hair that's been growing out since 2003 and finally looks fantastic into a mullet. And I can't bitchface that much, because I am too nice. I like to give smiles instead of bitchfaces. But I love me some KStew.
And I'm so thankful she has normal sized eyebrows.
This weekend, I had a crazy dream. I haven't told Andee about it, because it was pretty disturbing. This will be the first place she reads it. Also, it has nothing to do with Twilight, but I figured that you guys could deal with that for one day. (Or not...who knows? I may find some way to work in Twilight further down the paragraphs.)
It started out innocently enough. I was in my car, driving through construction on the main highway that runs through the little town I live in. (Didn't have an Edward to get me through it this time, though. Dang. P.S. Mentioned Twilight in first paragraph. Points for me.) It's a weekday and I must be in either high school or college, because I am thinking about a book report/research paper that I have to have finished and need to turn in for a grade. As I was driving along, I noticed a hitchhiker on the side of the road.
Dude really shouldn't stick his arm out in traffic like that. Although his fist *is* bigger than that smart car...
Now I would normally NEVER pick up hitchhikers alone. Or ever, period. I've seen the commercials for too many scary movies that start out that way. (The commercials only, because I NEVER watch the movies.) I hate it for you awesome, normal, cool hitchhikers, but the psycho smelly killer ones ruined it for the rest of you. But this hitchhiker was a girl. She had workout shorts on, with a fuzzy light green fleece jacket and a navy blue ball cap covering her blonde ponytail. I would love to say that's why I pulled over, because she looked nice. But the real reason was because she looked EXACTLY LIKE ANDEE DID IN HIGH SCHOOL. I realized this in my dream. So I picked her up.
Cute chick looking for a ride? Sure. Scary guy with an ax? No.
Now I don't know what I've been reading or watching lately, but I don't see how anything could have led to what happened next in the dream. One minute, I'm picking up the Andee look-a-like....
....the next minute, her decapitated head is riding shotgun in my passenger seat.
And I am freaking the f*ck out.
Obviously, I have murdered this poor hitchhiker that looks like Andee and cut her head off as a souvenir. And I now have a problem--how am I going to get out of it?
The rest of the dream is not important--it is me trying to drive the decapitated head of the nameless vagabond twin of Andee to Jacksonville, Florida (Score! Another Twilight reference. Also where I lived from ages 1 to 5) knowing that if I turn in the book report/research paper, that it will be counted as evidence and trying to find out ways to lie about it and not have to go to jail for murdering homeless people.
What IS important is this:
Andee, am I ever invited back to your house again?
I swear I won't remove your head from the rest of your body.
Tuesday night I was cruising Twitter like a 16-year-old with the windows down and the stereo up, playing a little Jay-Z and Jermaine Dupre "Money Ain't A Thang" loud enough that there would be no way to hear a policeman coming up on my rear (I'm not even going to say "That's what she said."), but not so loud that whatever bass my 1988 Buick LeSabre sedan had in it would tickle my palms as they grip the steering wheel. (No, I was not on Twitter while driving. It was an attempt at a metaphor. Or something. I don't even have the Buick anymore. Anyway, it obviously didn't work. I'll move on now.)
I saw on Twitter that Oprah was looking for Twilight fans. Now, I had already seen this news somewhere before, but this time I decided to check it out. When I went to her website, you could fill out an application to be featured on a show devoted to the wonderful fans of Twilight. I didn't have anything else to do, so I applied.
Wow. Oprah and Stephenie Meyer. I bet TV broke that day.
Now I know that spread out all over this crazy ball we call Earth, there are much more deserving Twilight fans to be featured on Oprah than Andee and I, fans who have gone to great lenghts for their love of Twilight. But it couldn't hurt to send something in anway. Who knows? Maybe the secretary of the personal assistant to the assistant producer of Oprah's show would actually read it, and something good would come out of it.
"I have people to read my mail to people who type the transcripts of my mail and then they e-mail them to people who forward those e-mails to other people who print out the e-mails and put them in color-coded folders that get placed on a desk in an office at the back of Harpo studios. I don't know what happens to them after that."
So I wrote:
I was introduced to the Twilight Saga by my best friend Andee. I had been resistant to her many attempts to get me to read the books, but finally, while on vacation in Florida, she held me captive under a beach umbrella with no reading material other than Twilight. I had a choice: read Twilight or watch seagulls. The seagulls eventually got boring, so I picked up the book.
By the end of the first chapter, I was hooked.
All I could think about was Twilight. And Edward. Ok, fine--and Robert Pattinson. It was like I was in love with him or something.
And then I realized I was.
I had fallen in love with the character of Edward right along with Bella. I think that's why people like and can identify with these books so well: it reminds them of the first time they fell in love. Your man may not be Edward Cullen, but he’s pretty close. Except for the whole undead thing.
Andee and I spent so much time talking Twilight, we decided to create a blog: www.welcometoforksyall.blogspot.com, two Southern girls' humorous perspective of the Twilight Saga. We''re not super famous bloggers or anything, but that's ok. We like what we do--it helps us not only entertain ourselves, but also really stimulates creativity. I write freelance for a local magazine, and the best article I've ever written came after the creation of the blog. Plus, we've made really wonderful online friends who are smart, funny and very supportive, and we have come to love them. A lot.
We spend so much of our lives on Twilight-related stuff, but we wouldn't have it any other way. As Edward says, "You are my life now." We realize this will only last as long as the movies do, and we're a little sad knowing that one day, it will all be over. So we're trying to enjoy the mad, crazy, fantastic moments while we still can.
We would love to be featured, but we know there are so many worthy fans out there that may better exemplify the Twilight Fandom. But tickets to the Twilight Fan show would be a pretty sweet consolation prize.
Give us another mad, crazy, fantastic moment, Oprah.
*Crossing our fingers that the secretary to the personal assistant of the assistant producer can hook us up.*
Please give us tickets, Oprah. We will be good. We won't jump on your couch.
Short post, but I know everyone's ok with that, because you're all busy staring at KStew's new Flaunt magazine photos.
Real life has been pretty hectic for Andee and me lately, with me BUYING MY FIRST HOME (haven't closed yet, but hopefully everything will go through ok) and Andee getting her work ethic back because her job is now secure. So YAY us, but we're still pretty freaking busy.
And with no new Eclipse news, we feel like our mayo jar of awesome sauce is getting a little low. And that gets us down. Are we still funny? Are we doing a good job? Are people reading? Is this worth it? These are the questions I guess every blogger asks themselves when life away from the computer steals all their time.
But then you go to Pier 1. And you find this:
A GIANT FREAKING FORK.
And you know. YOU JUST KNOW. That everything you're doing is right. It is good. You're reminded that you freaking love Twilight and Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner and Peter Facinelli and everyone else connected to the Saga. YOU LOVE EVERY FRIEND you've ever made on Twitter and Blogger, you love everyone who comments. You just love sharing your love of Twilight with others. YOU LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT BLOGGING.
Seeing the giant fork was like a big wave of renewal for a spirit that was staggering under the weight of purchase agreements and home inspectors and writing big, fat checks, of maybe losing your job or repaving your driveway or whatever. It was a reminder of how wonderful writing this blog is, because of you guys.
You would think a board meeting would involve these sweet treats.......
But NO....I work for the State of Alabama and we can't afford luxuries like those! Instead it's this:
So yesterday I pulled a Bella/KStew at work....See, I am an auditor for the state, and I audit local community colleges. Yesterday, I had a board meeting where I met with CFOs and Presidents and stuff at one of my colleges (and I completely speak that way, ask Grey, I'm embarassing in public)...
You wouldn't believe this if you were to ever meet me, but I am deathly afraid of PUBLIC SPEAKING! I actually took my Speech Class for College ONLINE....I went in ONE time to do ONE SPEECH and ALMOST PUKED EVERYWHERE! (Don't be ashamed--didn't Brando take that same class?? Grey)
Well I "uuhhed" and "ummmed" through the whole thing meeting, all while turning more and more bright red....BUT THANKFULLY I didn't drop anything....
...unlike some people would have, so I give myself PROPS! (I bet it was actually kind of cute, like KStew! This was the exact moment I fell in love with her, btw. Grey)
But even though I didn't drop anything, I did have my boss lean over during the meeting and tell me that the point I was trying to make was "color-coded right in front of me."
I basically ended up feeling LIKE A BIG DUMMY and EXTREMELY awkward all the way home from work yesterday!
And then thought....WOW this would be a really good POST!!! I can make fun of myself for others' enjoyment....HEY, WHY NOT?
Andee
*Note from Grey: We all have "Bella" moments in our lives. Mine actually got me picked up by a fireman. Being Bella has its advantages...do YOU have any "Bella" moments?
P.S. How many of you thought of The Office when you saw "Bella" and "board room" in the same sentence????? :)
Andee has abandoned me today. She audits state community colleges, and is at a conference this afternoon. So I am alone.
And idea-less.
That doesn't happen too very often. Usually, there is no end to the absolute insane randomness in my brain. I can almost see Twilight EVERYWHERE, (it doesn't hurt that it actually is almost everywhere anyway...) like that time early on in my Twilight "career" that I wandered into Bath and Body Works and found their Twilight Woods collection, which smelled kind of strong, but would make a perfect seduction fragrance for that certain undead someone in your life. Or that time I was on People of Wal-Mart, and in the midst of looking at a picture of the most AWESOME rat tail I had ever seen, I realized the guy was standing near the posters, and the only poster visible was one of Edward Cullen.
Most of my ideas are freaking crazy. Some of them only I understand. But a few ideas are ok, and Andee helps me get them ready to go.
But today, without my Andee, I am losted. So I'm phoning this one in by showing you some of my favorite Twilight-themed LOLs from ROFLRAZZI. I go there every day and from there you can also check out LOLcats, LOLdogs, Graph Jam, Fail Blog, and Failbooking (which is freaking fabulous, but I can't view at work anymore. Sad face.) I bet most of the readers do too, so if you've seen these, well....here's an oldie-but-a-goodie, as they say on local country radio stations.
Or I guess they say that. I don't know, because I don't listen to country music.
*Note to everyone: Obviously, some of the people who made these really don't like Twilight. But they are funny. I can like Twilight and still be able to poke fun at it once in a while.*
