Twilight Convention Day Two: How to make Daniel Cudmore less of a man. Nevermind, it can't be done.

It certainly has been crazy for us these past two days, and we’re sorry that we didn’t get our stupendous account of how we made Daniel Cudmore impersonate a female British aristocrat out to you faithful forkheads sooner. We apologize.  We’ve been bad girls.

Actually, it’s Real Life that deserves the spanking. Yesterday, Grey had two board meetings to attend, a bridal shower to host, and (most importantly) a visit with our newest (and FIRST!) Pseudo Nephew, Eli, who is PRECIOUS, and only almost killed his mommy getting here. (Text to Eli’s Mommy from Grey: Dear Eli’s Mommy, It is now 5pm and you have been in labor at the hospital all day. You have now convinced me to never have children. Love u!) But now that he’s arrived, we expect awesome things from him. Honestly, he could be the next Billy Graham, or Winston Churchill, or Abraham Lincoln. He’s only three days old and he’s already THAT AWESOME.

Look. At that. FACE. So precious.

We’re now ready to tell you about DAY TWO of our Atlanta Twi Con trip. It started, awesomely enough, with two delicious breakfasts, delivered right to our hotel door. It was super yummy, but I think the ingredient that made it taste so good was that little bit of “FREE” they sprinkled on the bacon, eggs, hash browns, and toast. Yes, all our breakfasts were free. Freedom tastes good.

Now THIS is what waking up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy is REALLY like

(Note from Grey: Andee says these are in the wrong order. I'm just going to pretend that they happened in this order because I don't want to go find my itinerary it makes me happy.)

We then headed down for a Q and A session with Michael Welch. I think the night before had taken a lot out of him, because he looked a little weary.  As soon as he stepped on stage, he took a shot of 5 Hour Energy, and hurled the bottle into the audience. It hit someone in the head.

So Mike answered fan questions, and apparently the 5 Hour Energy kicked in immediately, because the entire session, he walked back and forth, left to right, across the stage. We think he was trying to hypnotize us. Or make us throw up. Maybe it was both. Maybe he hypnotized us and planted a subliminal message to want to hurl every time we got off the elevators. If that’s the case, then Mike Welch is a FLIPPING AWESOME HYPNOTIST, because that’s exactly what happened to us when we used the elevators.

When not hypnotizing us, Mike rested. But not in the chair.

Mike also did impressions, like DeNiro, and Pacino. The best ones though, were his impression of Rob singing "Never Think" and of Bella (yes, Bella. Not Kristen). Bella’s involved looking serious and constantly putting his hair behind one ear every 3 seconds. It was spot on.

De Niro quote Mike used: "I've got nipples. You wanna milk me, Focker?" 

Next was Daniel Cudmore, whom Grey was really excited to see because she’s a comic book geek and LOVES X-Men. Daniel was so freaking hot and hilarious. He was the ONLY person who could sit in the director’s chair and actually have his feet planted firmly on the floor. Boy is tall and built like a superhero. He could save our day anytime. The best line he had the entire time was when someone asked who was more athletic, him or Rob. He just chuckled and said, “I don’t wanna toot my own horn, but…………….BOOP.”  When we went to get our picture taken with him, he said he was a “lucky man” to be standing in between us. We didn't disagree.

That is a whole lotta man. Oh, yeah.

The next Twilight star on stage was Christopher Heyerdahl, and let us tell you, we weren’t expecting much. We didn’t know anything about him except that he plays the single most boring character in the entire Twilight saga. But we were wrong, because he was hilarious!!! He made jokes, walked around the stage (but not in that hypnotic Mike Welch way), and did impressions. He also gave us the "Cutest Rob Pattinson Story" of the weekend. While shooting the New Moon Volturi fight scene, they were practicing when Felix throws Edward on the stone steps right in front of Marcus. Take after take, Rob was thrown down at Christopher's feet. After one take, while lying on the floor, Rob looked up at Christopher and said, "I like your slippers." A-dorable.

He even dresses cool.

See, Chris was wearing slippers because he has an amazing ability to find the most in-depth backstories to his characters. He explained that Marcus was so bored because he has lost the love of his life, and his endless existence no longer had meaning. He even worked with the costume department to have his outfit during the fight scene reflect that. He likened it to someone who never wants to get out of bed, but if they absolutely have to, they just throw on whatever and go. So his pants were threadbare, and wore slippers. We can't wait to look more closely at Marcus when New Moon comes out.

 (Note from Grey: We're going to include Gil Birmingham in the Day Three post, even though he was there on Saturday, too. That way Day 3 will be ALL WOLF PACK, baby. Yeah.)

At the autograph signing, we really outdid ourselves. We have terminal word vomit, and stuff just comes out and we can't control it. Usually it turns out to be pretty awesome. Sometimes....not. This time was pretty awesome.

First up was Daniel Cudmore. Grey was already smitten, so the first thing she did was flatter him by saying that she loved X2 and X3. The convention "handler" sitting next to him immediately asked, "What character did he play?" like she was TESTING me or something. It was weird, but since Grey is the X-Geek that she is, of course she knew he played Colossus. A+ Gold Star for Grey! Then, the word vomit came up, and Grey told Daniel that his watch was HUGE (It WAS, for real! Like the size of a coaster or something), and then he said that you could eat breakfast off of it, and then Grey said "That's so funny, because I said earlier to Andee that you could use it as a saucer for your teacup." To which Daniel replied: "Yeah, because that's soooo manly." He then proceeded to pick up an imaginary teacup from his watch/saucer and drink it while telling us "It's so lovely" in a British accent. Then we told him that he had to have his pinkie up, and he obliged. Big, bad, sexy ass Daniel Cudmore, holding an imaginary teacup with his pinkie up. Priceless.

Annnnnnd another hot picture of Dan the Man. Grey is in love.

And now for Andee's word vomit. We moved on to Christopher where Andee told him that he was so funny on stage and that she "was worried because in the movie, you're character is so boring, that we were worried that you would put us to sleep or something. But you were GREAT!" Oh yes, the filters were off that night. (We were totally sober, honest.) THANK GOD he found that comment absolutely hilarious, and he died laughing. He loved it so much that when he signed Andee's book, he put little "zzzzzz's" next to his picture of Marcus. He was so great!

(Note from Grey: Ok, I can't write anymore. I have to go and make out with my computer because I haven't had internet access ALL FREAKING DAY, and I need some alone time with it. It's ok, we won't go too far. But if we do, it's ok......we have protection. It's got anti-virus software.)

(P.S. Note from Grey: Oh, gah. That was lame.)

Twilight Convention Day One: Karaoke, or Shakin' It with Mike Welch

Well, now that we've teased you with Peter (that's what she said), but left you with a cliffhanger (and we know most of you read FF, and cliffies are like "Want a PBandJ sandwich? Great. Here's the peanut butter, but I'm not giving you the jelly until tomorrow."). But today, we are now ready to discuss the part of day one when we--Andee and Grey: Twilight Bloggers--shook our butts (and Andee is making us use the word "butts" today. She is in an angelic mood) with Mike Welch on stage. In front of everyone. Like, EVERYONE was looking at us. And we were not drunk. But we were on camera.

We don't think you're ready for this jelly...

The story continues thus: The first ever Twilight Karaoke party was kicked off by Peter Facinelli (Andee's new love, she talks about him more than her husband now). First there was a karaoke contest. We did not partake in this, due to the fact that Grey is terrified of singing in front of people because she can't sing. Also, Andee--who does sing in her church choir--didn't want to embarass herself in front of Peter. So we sat in our seats in the blessed anonymity that was the darkened ballroom and stared at Peter cheered all the contestants on . Grey felt safe there in the dark, singing to herself. Little did she know that Andee was busy coming up with a horrible idea...

Peter didn't sing for us, but thankfully, we didn't sing for Peter, either.

Peter didn't stay for very long because he had to catch a plane. (Note from Andee: I wanted to go with him, but I figured Grey would get mad if I left her and she had to come get me at the aiport because security had detained me for stalking). But our saddness only lasted for a few moments because then Michael Welch took the stage, and when he took the stage, he took our hearts. Because the boy had dyed his blonde hair brown, which made him look totally hotter than in Twilight or New Moon. The fact that he is either extremely ADHD or clinically insane only added to his charm. 

"How you likin' the karaoke, Mike?"

He came out shaking his head like a mother effing rock star, jumping around all over the stage, and singing some 90's alternative song that we didn't know. But it was fine, because he was rocking out and being crazy and totally owning that stage. He was down to earth and probably the FUNNIEST person on the planet, completely not ashamed to do embarassing crap like you would think most celebs would be.

Crotch Shot. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

And then the audience members started coming up to sing and you know how karaoke goes....someone always wants to sing some slow show tune that they did in their high school play or something. Some of it was pretty bathos. (Note: This is Andee's word she picked up from Cosmo Radio. It has the same meaning as LTT's "second hand embarrassment". ) And our darling Mike was trying his best to smile and and not make it awkward. It was at this point that Andee decided to totally ruin Grey's evening spice things up a little bit. Andee started pestering Grey to sing with her. It went like this:

Andee: We should totally go up there and sing "Baby Got Back"
Grey: No.
Andee: Come on, it will be awesome. We will rock out and everyone will love us.
Grey: No.
Andee: Why not?
Grey: I've never done karaoke before and I will throw up.
Andee: ................I'm signing us up.

So Andee went up front and signed us up to sing "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-lot, which Andee knew would be a hit. She also knew that Grey would be fine because Grey knows EVERY WORD TO EVERY RAP SONG EVER CREATED (Note from Grey: This is an exaggeration. Seventy-five percent, maybe). And even if we weren't fantastic, who cares? Everyone loves 90's rap and would be dancing along to the song anyway, regardless of whether we were on key or not. As we waited for our turn, this conversation was repeated every 2 or 3 minutes:

Andee: Oh. Erm...wow. The theme from Les Miserables.
Grey: I'm going to throw up.
Andee: Why?
Grey: Because you are making me go on stage.
Andee: *sighing with disappointment* We don't have to.
Grey: Yes we do. I have to do this. I speak in public for a living. I have to go on stage.
Andee: That's the spirit!
Grey: I'm going to throw up.

Grey was secretly hoping that the lyrics to BGB would be deemed inappropriate for the younger folks in the crowd and that they would skip over our names completely. But then Mike Welch said "Andee and Grey, HAHA. This is a good song," and we proceeded up to the stage in anticipation of utter humiliation (in Grey's case) and an effing good time (in Andee's case--she even took her heels off because she knew she would be shaking it big time).

Maybe it was the feel of the microphone in her hand. Maybe it was the good luck hug from Mike. But when the music started, the rhythm of that familar tune clicked something in Grey's brain. We're not saying that she went all gansta rapper on everyone, but....actually, that is exactly what happened. 

Do you see these moves? White girls (and boy) got skillz, yo.

There--on stage in front of God and everybody--Andee and Grey proceeded to GET THE EFF DOWN. We were lyrical gangsters, spitting rhymes and hitting our flow. It was EPIC. In all humility and modestly, WE. WERE. AWESOME. And yes, our asses were flying all over the place. We even turned around and shook them for the audience.

You can't blame us. The lyrics clearly said "Turn around, stick it out"

We made Mike Welch our backup dancer, and he hung out on the side of the stage (away from us, he must've been scared of our bootyliciousness) dancing his butt off. At one point, he was on the ground, but we can't remember if he was doing the worm or what. Actually, we pretty much forgot that there was even a Twilight celebrity on the stage with us. It was all a blur of complete awesomeness.

Possible worm. We should remember this, because we are clearly pointing at him. Maybe it's because he's missing his arms.

Other awesome moments:

• The redhead who danced by herself all night. She was so into it that at one point, we caught her ripping the clip that was holding up her hair and shaking her wild red hair out. It was like a fantastic 80's music video. All that was missing was a Camero t-top.

• Deborah, who decided she wanted to sing Baby Got Back, too. Her's was a little more risque than ours, and was apparently so hot that Mike Welch had to douse the flames by pouring the rest of his water bottle out over his head. True. Story. But she made an impression, because Mike remembered her the next day. "Oh....hi, Deborah."

• The girl that wouldn't stop talking to Andee and it was all Grey's fault. See, there was a teenaged girl that was sitting next to us, and Grey leaned across Andee to tell her that she looked like a young Dakota Fanning. And she really did in the face. In Dakota's weird puberty stage. Grey then retreated back to her seat, leaving Andee with a new friend, who regaled Andee with endless stories about how cute Peter was, and how she got a picture with him, and how cute Mike was, and how she wanted to get a picture with him. You know, average fangirl stuff. But this girl was hardcore. You know we joked about flashing Gil Birmingham, or tickling Kiowa Gordon, but we know better. This girl didn't know better, because she freaking kissed Mike Welch on the cheek. Totally inappropriate, and all we could do was stare. It all happened so fast, but if we had been more on the ball, we totally would have saved Mike Welch from the Dakota-Fanning-hitting-puberty looking girl. Then he would have given us kisses on the cheek for saving the day and generally being all-around heroes and awesome karaoke stars.

And another picture of us and Mike Welch. Just because we can. And it was awesome.

The night seemed never ending, which was really pissing Andee off because she had been up since 4:00am that morning. But then Mike did his fantastic version of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" and the karaoke was officially over. But before we could be sad, Mike announced that since he that since he had basically taken pictures with 90% of the people at the party that he would take pictures with remaining 10%, which was INCREDIBLY NICE. He even constantly apologized for being so sweaty, which was very gentlemanly. But sweaty is kinda sexy, so we didn't mind. We mean "Oh em gee, MIKE WELCH sweated on me!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Grey 

                                                                             

Andee

So now we were in love with both Peter AND Mike Welch. Plus Robert Pattinson. (Plus Kristen Stewart for Grey--she has a girl crush). Plus our husband/fiance. Is it possible to be in love with so many people at one time? Will they all fit into your heart? Is there room for any more? Are we going to break out into a cheesy 90's boy band love song?

No, but we'll emasculate Daniel Cudmore, and you'll want to come back tomorrow for that.

Twilight Convention ATL: Day One (and A Half)

We, Andee and Grey the Twilight Bloggers, have lived in a RIDICULOUS bubble of awesomeness for the past 4 days while attending The Official Twilight Convention Tour in Atlanta. (Note from Grey: That name is too long, guys. If you want us to call it by its official name, you need to pick a smaller one. My fingers hurt just thinking about having to type it over and over. Plus, I will mess up my very pretty CHANEL manicure. P.S. I love shopping at Neiman Marcus. P.P.S. My fiance is *so excited* about marrying my shopping habit me.) Please keep your jealousy to a minimum, because the weekend was so good that you may hate us. And if you hate us you will stop reading our blog. And then we will be alone again.

And when we're alone, we do things like this.

Day One was a huge whirlwind of goodness. Andee picked Grey up at 6:30am (so that meant Andee left her house at 5:00am. IN THE MORNING). Grey was MIRACULOUSLY ready before Andee showed up…the only time in history that this has occurred. The ride up there went by pretty fast. We listened to Britney Spears for the Alabama portion of the trip, because when we scream all the words to "....Crazy (the STOP remix)" at the top of our lungs, time flies. We were also really anxious to see the GIANT SINKHOLE that collapsed the northbound lane of Hwy 431, but we were detoured around it, sadly. We would have to see it on the way home. We didn't know we had giant sinkholes in southern Alabama.

We really had to pee, so we stopped about 2 hours away from home in Phenix City. There was only one gas station on the bypass, and it was, as Andee put it, "sketchy." We were trapped at a light that WE SWEAR took ten minutes to change, and in that time, Grey decided that instead of "sketchy," the gas station was going to be "dodgey" because that's British and probably what Rob would say if he were in the backseat. At the "sketchy/dodgey" gas station, we were greeted by a sign that told us we couldn’t wear hoods or face masks into the store.......which totally makes sense, because the only people who wear face maks in stores are the ones who are going to ROB YOU and they’re definitely going to turn around after reading your sign. Smart.

This gas station was a fan of signs. In the women's bathroom above the toilet, we were treated to a fantastic sign that read “If you’re gonna take a crap, flush it! Don’t be NASTY!!" Yes, NASTY was in capital letters. Did we mention Phenix City was the last town in Alabama before crossing over into Georgia? We cherish the fond farewell our homestate gave us, and share it with you fine people.

You didn't think we were joking, did you? You should know us better by now.

We put the Twilight soundtrack for the Georgia part of the trip, because pretending that we were Bella and singing Decode with all our hearts to Rob in the backseat also makes the time fly by. We made our annual/obligatory stop at the Wendy’s in Hogansville ("What was the name of that town? It started with a K, right? Like Kitson? Kinston? Oh, Hogansville. Yeah, Hogansville, right."). And then.....we were coming into Atlanta, at which time, Grey stopped checking Twitter and let go of her Blackberry to establish her death grip on the passenger door handle. Andee does all the driving in this friendship, namely because Andee has control issues, and you can't be much more in control than when you're in the driver's seat of a big ass Chevy SUV, double fisting the steering wheel and screaming at other people driving 70mph and trying to cross 8 lanes of traffic. (Andee: "How many lanes are there? Count them, Grey. COUNT

THEM.") She was in the zone.

While all this is going on (and by "all this" we mean Andee trying desperately to keep both herself and Grey alive), Grey is babbling about all the fun we are going to have. It was almost like a scene out of the Pixar movie "Up", with Grey playing the role of the talking dog ("And when we get there, we’re gonna do this and this and--PLANE! PLANE!") as we pass the airport. It was also Grey's job as the shotgun passenger to check the Garmin to make sure we were always in the right lane. Excuse me, "I mean, the CORRECT lane," after which, we had to formally establish that the words "Right" and "Left" could only be used in the context of driving directions. Grey also promised to only use the word f*ck in relation to the Garmin if it screwed us over. News Flash: She broke that promise about 5 minutes after she made it.

When we finally arrived and checked into the hotel, it was so AWESOME that we felt like we had died and gone to heaven, until we rode the elevators and they made us so sick that we wished we were dead and in heaven. We dropped our stuff in our room on the 15th floor, and by dropped, we mean detonated our suitcases and exploded our clothes and crap all over the room. The destruction took only 15 minutes, and then we were headed downstairs to the convention.

Our hosts for the weekend, the Hillywood stars!

So the main event for us happened about 3:00pm when Peter Facinelli (aka Andee's New Celeb Crush) did a Q&A session on stage. He was ADORABLE! Very sweet and very funny. He answered questions from the audience, but we don't remember them because all we remember was that they actually used one of our questions so he freaking SPOKE to us. Our question challenged him to 6 Degrees of Separation between himself and Kevin Bacon, which we told him we had tried to do on the trip up there. He laughed and said "Isn't there an App for that?" And so while he tried to recruit people with iPhones to find the answer some dude (yes, DUDE) in the audience actually did it in his head. Then he answered some more questions but we can't remember them because they weren't our questions. We are essentially selfish creatures.

We can't accurately explain how freaking awesome meeting him was...if you were here, we would dance for you. A little off-rhythm, but very energetic.

At the Photo Op, Grey walked up to Peter first and said hello, and then Andee shook his hand and said hello. Peter then told her, "Wow, you have a great handshake!" Andee was smitten.(Note from Andee: I hope that doesn't mean I have a manly handshake.)(Note from Grey: I think it may mean that…..because what he actually said was you had a FIRM handshake. Sorry, Man Hands.)

After the pictures, we were hanging out in the hall near the photo room, trying to organize our business cards (yes, we had business cards, and yes, we finally found the balls to hand them out to people), when Peter appeared in between the elevators (not like magically or anything. He's not a real vampire, people. He was just walking by. And at a human pace, too.) We saw him. He saw us. We waved at him, and he waved back and smiled. It. Was. Awesome. We may or may not have waved like goobers. We're not betting Twilight bloggers, but if we had to pick one, we would pick MAY HAVE.

"This is my special Andee and Grey smile. Just for you guys..."

Then came autograph time, and they announced that Peter was going to PERSONALIZE our autographs, which was really exciting. We waited FOREVER, but when it was finally our turn, Andee went first and said hello. Then Grey proceeded to tell him that her very first date was to the movies to see "Can't Hardly Wait" while he was signing his beautiful name on her page (Note from Grey: I want to draw attention to the phrase "signing his beautiful name" because it is Andee's sentence and I need you guys to see that she is FREAKING IN LOVE with Peter Facinelli now. He "dazzled" her in the same way that Daniel Cudmore did me, but that's a story for another post.) Peter laughed and then.....Andee told him that he was the only reason we even came, that we bought our tickets the day that he signed up and he said "Wow, that is so nice, I HAVE to give you two a hug for that!" SO WE GOT "REAL HUGS" FROM PETER FACINELLI. ( Note from Grey: I was actually so startled by him getting up to hug us that I didn’t know what to do…apparently I missed the part where he said “I have to give you a hug” and maybe thought Andee had said something offensive, and he was storming out of the convention hall. We would have been in trouble then. )

And then we died....

Just kidding. We lived, but it was the most awesome moment EVER. Peter gave us "real hugs." He solidified his position as our Number Three in our Favorite Twilight Star ranking.

This was only the first part of the night. The second part of the night contained karaoke. We were involved in said karaoke. And we may have shaken our asses with Michael Welch. We'll let you know more tomorrow. Right now, we're going to go make out with our Peter autographs.

Twilight Profile: Peter Facinelli

It was the summer of 1998, and I was about to enter the 8th grade. (I was very lucky to have been born the year I was, because whatever number the year ended in was the grade I would begin that year, i.e. 1995 started 5th grade, 2000 started 10th grade, etc. I am lucky because I have a really crappy memory and would never be able to figure out when things happened if not for this awesome occurrence.

Anyway, it was the summer of 1998, and I was on my very first date. He was such a cutie, with platinum blonde hair parted in the middle and down to his cheeks. (Shut up, this was very popular back in the day.) He was even as tall as me, which was a plus. We were thirteen years old and my mom was dropping us off at the movies.

The movie was "Can't Hardly Wait." So yeah, Peter Facinelli, a.k.a. Dr. Carlisle Cullen, our Twilight Profile of the day, was with me on my first date.

Remember when Jennifer Love Hewitt was awesome?

It goes without saying that Andee and I "can't hardly wait"to meet Peter this weekend. TOMORROW, even!!! We will meet him tomorrow!!!! We are beyond excited. Don't tell any of the other celebs attending, but he's really the only reason we're going. (*Note from Andee: Grey, he better be awesome because I'm waking up at freakin 4:00 in the morning to get your ass!*) Honestly, I think that he's our third favorite Twilight character behind Rob and Kristen. (Yes, we left Taylor out. Sorry, but although the boy is adorable, I think that we're so Team Edward that no amount of hotness or legality would bump him up the list. So Peter it is!)

Paging Dr. McSparkely, STAT!

Watching "Can't Hardly Wait" I remember how hot Mike Dexter was, but unfortunately, although Mike Dexter was a god and a role model, he was also an asshole. And this proves how wonderful an actor Peter really is, because Peter may very well be the nicest guy on earth. Seriously.

Not only does he act in the Twilight Saga movies and the Nurse Jackie television show on Showtime, but he also makes sure that he's using his fame and fortune to help those a little less famous and and lot more unfortunate than him. His work with Alex's Lemonade Stand is incredible, and every time he tweets, if it's not about a good cause he wants you to hear about, it's something hilarious and entertaining. Like tweeting a photo of him holding hands with Kellen during the height of the whole Robsten/Nonsten debates. (televised on C-Span, check your local listings for re-runs.) This dude is fantastic. And to think that the first time I ever laid eyes on him, he was an asshole. Freaking gorgeous, but a total tool.

Do they or don't they? I guess we know for sure now!

If I've done any amount of stressing over this upcoming trip to the Official Twilight Convention not related to clothing, it's been over what to say to this awesome man. But I finally figured it out:

"Hi! It's really a huge pleasure to meet you, and you are a fantastic Carlisle. I also loved "Can't Hardly Wait." In fact, the very first date I went on was to see "Can't Hardly Wait." So, I guess I owe you a big thank you for helping a 13-year-old girl become a woman. Oh God, NO, I didn't mean that the way it sounded, we didn't have sex, oh GEEZ NO, I just meant I went on my first date. I swear, we only held hands, I don't even remember if we KISSED. Oh my gah, I can't believe that I just said that to you. I am so embarrassed. I'm just going to go now. Thanks for the autograph.......what? Oh, sorry, your pen. Right. Here's your pen. Yes, Officer, I'm going. Sorry." (*Supportive, encouraging note from Andee: And I will be hiding behind Grey the whole time feeling awkward*)

P.S. Are you quizzical over the recent Eclipse editor change? Check out LTT--they've got their own take on it! http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com/2010/03/04/the-ol-switcheroo-eclipse-editor-changes-what-does-it-all-mean/

Twilight Profile: Tinsel Korey, or Watch How I Make This Whole Post Come Together. Marvel At My Skillz.

Last night I had a wonderful dream. It was wonderful because Rob Pattinson was in it and he was totally on his way to becoming my boyfriend. I think the dream was brought on by this

week's acute overdose of Robert. All this Remember Me promotion....I saw him all the time. And then he was gone, flying back across the pond in a bright yellow t-shirt with an American flag on his beautiful chest. It broke my heart.

I'm smiling, too. Through tears.

In my dream, I was in high school, and was terrified, because somehow I had offended a group of girls and they had arranged to fight me after school. Why I agreed to fight them, I have no idea. I have tiny, inneffectual fists that would do me no good in a Southern girl brawl. Southern girls tear off each others clothes. And hair. I was doomed.

But the shining point in my day was that Rob was there, and he was my friend. He was a "new friend." A "new friend" is a friend who is relatively new in your life (OMG, Grey, really? A "new friend" is a friend who is relatively new? Really?! I had NO IDEA) and is great, but since they are new, you haven't yet explored the potential for a relationship. It could very well happen. This is different from an "old friend" who is somone you are close with, but you've known each other for so long that the decision to explore a relationship--if it ever even came up--has passed. A "new friend" may become either a "boyfriend" or an "old friend". Or maybe both.

But in my dream, I talked and joked with Rob. (He was Cannes Rob, by the way. I didn't know ANY boys in school who looked like Cannes Rob.) I can't remember what about, but I know I wasn't flirting with him hard. Which made it a total surprise when, in the middle of our conversation, we both looked at each other and knew. Knew that we wanted to be more than friends at the exact same time.

Next thing I knew, Rob was sucking on my big toe.

Now, I have this anti-touch-my-feet thing, but I have to admit, I was not unhappy. Which is weird, because in real life, I would have been very unhappy if someone other than Rob had my toe in their mouth. I guess my dream is indicative of the things I would let Rob do to me, which would all fall under the category of "Anything." But the weirdest part of the weird part of my dream was that my fiance was right behind us, stuffing three-ring binders into a cardboard box. Rob's back was to him, so he couldn't see the toe-sucking. I guess this part of my dream was indicative of what I would do if forced to choose between my fiance and Robert Pattinson.

How could anyone say "no" to Cannes Rob?

So Rob was going to be my boyfriend, my toes were being serviced, all was right with the dream world. And then my alarm clock went off. And it all just..........disappeared. I tried to go back to sleep, to get back to Rob, but it was no use. He was gone. And not just gone from my dream, but gone from my country, too. It felt like Christmas morning as a kid, after you've ran into the living room, seen all the wonderful presents under the tree, felt the suspense of opening each one, knowing there is another, and another, and another, left to open. And then they've all been opened.......and it's over. And not just the present opening, but Christmas itself, what you've prepared for for months. It's all just........over. That's what it felt like to have Robert Pattinson that close, to see him doing interview after interview, to wait in anticipation for each late night/early morning talk show appearance, to watch each red carpet interview, and to achieve that ultimate high--to have a wonderful dream about him. And then he's gone, and it's over.

I may be too depressed to go on. But since we're on the subject of Christmas, and our Twilight Profile of the day is supposed to be Tinsel Korey, a.k.a. Sam's fiancee Emily Young, I guess I'll have to. How could I waste such a perfect lead-in?

So you're the wolf girl, huh?

Tinsel, which may I add is a fabulous name, is a Canadian muscian and actress. She's been in a few movies and television shows, but by far the most recognizable thing she's done is Twilight. She is a gorgeous woman, and used her short time as Emily in New Moon very well, although I'm not too sure about the "little woman in the kitchen" she portrays, but that's not Tinsel's deal, that's Stephenie's. I think I'm more of a Leah, frankly. But to be a human in the midst of all that weirdness takes guts, and to go through what happened to her.....I think that overshadows her Suzy Homemaker identity.

Yep. You are an awesome girlfriend.

Tinsel's Emily is also present at one of the places in New Moon where I go, "Huh?" This is pretty random, and kind of shows where my mind goes during movies, but when she puts the muffins down in front of Jared and Embry, and they each take one, she says, "Save some for your brothers" and she sounds like their mother. They each have only ONE MUFFIN in their hand. They haven't even taken a bite out of them yet. It's not like they were licking all the muffins on the platter. I totally understand that because of the whole wolf thing, they are hungry ALL THE TIME, but that wasn't really something that CW established in the movie, so

when they each only had the ONE muffin that they had JUST picked up, it came off as weird that she would tell them that.

Get your mother effing hands off those mother effing muffins.

I bet you think it's a little weird that I thought about that.

I bet you think this post is a little weird, too. Heck, maybe that the entire blog is a little weird. But that's ok. I don't care. Because Rob sucks my toes at night, and that's not weird at all.

Twilight Profile: Gil Birmingham

Yesterday, I discussed the rigors of buying bridal shower invitations. Today I spent my ENTIRE morning addressing them. (Yes, during work. I love my job. It is the very, very best.) By hand. Recipient address. Return address. All. By. Hand.

The only way that I got through it was by pretending that I, Grey the Twilight Blogger, was Catherine Hardwicke's first and only choice to play the role of Bella Swan, the protaginst of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga, and that instead of addressing envelopes, I was signing autographs for thousands of hyperventalating fans.

Oh, and Robert Pattinson is sitting right next to me. Did I mention that since I won the role over Kristen Stewart, I had found a way to make Rob fall in love with me instead of her? Yeah, that's why in my cubicle fantasy, during our free moments inbetween autographs, he's got his hand on my knee. Don't be jealous. We're in love.

Rob's smiling because now I've got my hand on his......er, knee. Yeah.

It's funny that I should imagine that i'm signing autographs (and that I would ever, EVER be able to take the place of Kristen Stewart. None of us can. There's even a whole website devoted to how we can never be as good as her),because we're going to be getting the autographs of several Twilight stars this weekend in Atlanta. We bought one of those "Preferred Weekend" packages, and while it's not the very highest that one can roll at the Twi Con (we save the ultimate VIP/front row seat money for Britney Spears and Rob Pattinson only), we get a one-on-one autograph session with each celebrity there.

All except for Mr. Gil Birmingham, a.k.a. Billy Black, our Twilight Profile of the day. His is the only autograph not included in our package.

We are so sad. Why do you make us cry, Gil Birmingham?

Why, Gil? We know that you're "down with the kids," but why are you only "down with the Gold Weekend Package but not the Preferred Weekend Package kids"? We were really looking forward to getting your autograph. You are second to only Mr. Charlie Swan himself, Billy Burke, when it comes to stealing every scene that you are in. You tried to fight the Forks Chief of Police and your battle tactic was to run him down in your wheelchair. You are the bringer of Harry Clearwater's famous fish fry and when you bring it baby, you bring it in a brown paper bag. You were one of the few characters in Twilight to give Edward the stink eye and not end up dead. You were--and I think Barney from HIMYM says it best--LEGENDARY.

I read somewhere that this was actually your sweater. But I can't ask you that, because I don't get to meet you.

You've had a pretty awesome career. You are from the South originally (Yay, Southern people! We have to represent in Hollywood in order to make up for all the toothless people that end up on CNN. There are dentists in Alabama, people. Really). You've been in tons of movies, tv shows, etc. You like to play music and you were a bodybuilder. You built this body, and it gave you the chance to play Conan the Barbarian. You cannot pass stuff like this up, and you didn't.

Wow. You looked just like Ah-nuld. You're welcome.

Gil Birmingham, I hope that we at least get to meet you in Atlanta. But it will have to be a casual meeting (or Andee will have to flash you to get your attention. Not me because I don't have any boobs) because we're not going to pay extra for your autograph. It doesn't mean we don't love you. It doesn't mean that in the future, every time we talk about you, we will call you Jill, because that's what I already do everytime I say or think your name. It doesn't mean that when Eclipse comes out, we will hiss when you are on the screen. It doesn't mean that we will keep mistakenly referring to you as "that dude from Free Willy" like Andee did that one time. No, we will still love you. You are a great actor and made Twilight's Billy Black AWESOMESAUCE.

What it probably means is that you're going to get flashed at Twi Con in Atlanta this weekend. Which I guess is a win-win--you get to see boobs and we get your attention without having to pay extra for an autograph. Except now, we'll be going to jail for allegedly assulting Kiowa Gordon and indecent exposure. So I guess it's actually a win-win-lose.

P.S. To the person who created this:

No. Just....no. Look, Brokeback Mountain jokes are old. But besides that, you can't just make a Brokeback joke just because someone has a cowboy hat on. I don't care if your true meaning was that Twilight itself was "gay" and since Gil has a cowboy hat on, you can go there. It would only work if Edward/Rob ALSO had a cowboy hat on. And you shouldn't be making gay jokes anyway.

And as a bonus treat, the G-Talk conversation that led to this crappy post:

Andee: i think we should do gil birmingham today

Grey: yes, i think we should, too and it's going to be about how we don't get to get his autograph and why that makes us sad

Andee: and that ANDEE thought he was the guy off of Free Willy haha

Grey:I will have to look that up, because i totally don't remember free willy except that part at the end? when the whale lands on the boy and squishes him

Wait, did that happen? :)

Andee: nope.... haha he jumped over him and MADE IT TO THE OCEAN.

That would have been a horrible kid movie if that had happened, grey

Twilight Profile: Kiowa Gordon, or Please Just Keep Reading And Eventually You Will Get To The Part About Kiowa

Today I spent my lunch hour walking around Target. I was there to get bridal shower invitations for the shower I'm throwing for my cousin. You'd think that would be pretty easy, right? I mean, no need to spend your entire lunch hour there to just pick up a couple of packs of invites, right?

Wrong. I sat in the invitation/thank you card aisle, literally staring at the 3 choices Target made available to me, one of which was ugly, and 2 of which had cute skinny wedding dresses on the front, which would normally be FANTASTIC except that the bride is 7 months pregnant and they don't make maternity bridal shower invitations and we live in the FREAKING BIBLE BELT and I had no idea if the conservative little blue-haired ladies we sent these things to were going to show up at the shower with pitchforks and torches in hand. All because I sent out bridal shower invitations with white wedding dresses on them.

Oh, and rolling pins. Of course they'd bring rolling pins. P.S. I don't think this is a real grandma. I think this is a poser.

It blew my brain SO HARD that I was beginning to think in run-on sentences (like the one above). But I knew that if I could just get through this, a wonderful reward would be waiting for me. Because what I was planning to do after Target was going to make everything freaking peaches, y'all. I was going next door to Barnes and Noble to pick up Rob's Details magazine, because nothing turns a frown upside down like Rob Pattinson, naked ladies, and vagina allergies.

Nothing clears up the vagina allergies quite like Robert Pattinson.

But there was no Details magazine.

I could have shut down right then, I guess. On some level, I think I did. I needed that magainze, guys. It was going to change my day. I'm already pissed that everyone in NYC is having a freaking field day getting ready for Remember Me, and going to see Rob on the Today Show, or Jimmy Fallon, or The View, or The Daily Show. I mean, all those chances to see Rob, and I'm stuck down here in Lower Alabama, trying not to offend old ladies.

I NEEDED that magazine. I needed it like Ashley Greene needs to tone it down. (Yes, boys like you naked. Relax.) I needed it like Catherine Hardwick needs to watch the Twilight audition tape one more time. I needed it like Kellen Lutz DOESN'T need a sock. (You know what I'm talking about.)

I needed it like Kiowa Gordon needs a hug.

Look at those puppy-dog eyes (really, honestly, TRULY no pun intended).

Yes, Kiowa is our Twilight Profile for today, and he needs a hug. Badly. You've seen the New Moon press videos of the Wolf Pack making their rounds, and Kiowa is always a little bit more reserved than the rest. Obviously, anyone around Bronson would look like a statue in comparision, but Kiowa is definitely the least exhuberant Wolf Packer in the vidoes I've seen. Even his character, Embry, once he becomes part of the pack, is low-profile and always in the back of the group.

Don't try to cover your face, Kiowa. You have as much right to strut around in your peacoat as Chaske does in his scarf, or Alex does with his immeasurable hotness.

Kiowa, don't let them squeeze you into the back. That happened to me at my first dance recital. I was three, and we were dancing in a line to "Animal Crackers In My Soup", and some of the bigger girls squeezed me into the back. So there I was, dancing all alone in the back. My mom was pissed. She told me I should have elbowed my way back into the line.

Obviously, Kiowa is sad and needs a hug. And guess what? While we are at The Offical Twilight Convention in Atlanta this weekend (THIS WEEKEND!!!!), we will see Kiowa. And, God willing, give him a hug. Do you think he's ticklish? Cause we may tickle him also. It depends on how he reacts to the hug.

Now Kiowa seems a little upset. Was it because we tickled you?

We just want to see Kiowa smile, and then after he smiles, we want to take it a step further. We want to hear him giggle.

So when we write next Monday's post and it's all about how we spent the night in the ATL jail because we allegedly tackled and tickled a Twilight star, well....................................................

At least you knew it was coming.