Our Take on Outtakes

For your Friday afternoon delight, since everyone knows that NOBODY does actual work after lunch on Fridays, please feel free to linger over some of the recently released EW outtakes. Try not to be distracted from Mr. Sexy Britches (Rob's nickname of the day) by the awesomeness of our comments.

With all the drama on late night television, it was only a matter of time before Rob posed as Conan to help draw attention to Team Coco.

This is London's Best Dance Crew Rob, right after his dance crew just totally STOMPED their rival crew in the UK's hottest dance-off. "We are thebomb.com, yo!"

This is Drunk and Stumbly Rob, headed over to hit on you from across the bar. Rob: "Hey, mnames Bob...I mean, Rob. Djuwanna get outta here?" You: "Yes."

This is what Edward would look like ALL THE TIME had Stephenie Meyer decided that her vampires had fangs. So instead of being all hot and brooding, Fangward would look like someone farted.

The sequel to Drunk and Stumbly Rob--The Morning After Rob

Who wants to bet that this part of the EW shoot went like this:

Photographer: Ok guys, those last shots were amazing! Keep having fun with it, we want fun--smile, Kristen!!! Let's get some fun music in here! *opening strains of "What is Love" by Haddaway are heard*

Kristen: *rolls eyes*


Taylor: Aww, awesome!!! Night at the Roxbury!!! Chris Katan is a legend! How sweet is this?!!! *bobs head repeatedly before trapping Kristen between himself and Rob* Me? You? Him? You? Him? Me? Who, me? Him? Me? You?


Rob: *confused*


Kristen: I'm gonna need to take a break before the pelvic thrusting begins.


Rob: *confused*

"Umm....Mr. Pattinson? You have a little....uhhh....Hot Pocket.....in the corner of your mouth. No, other side...."

Is this Rob's O-face? I'll be sure to remember that for future dream reference. You know it is...it's just like that bathos scene in New Moon when Edward grunts at Bella.

Rob doing his best Taylor impression.

Rocky Rob. "Yo, Adrienne!!!" (There is an inside joke there, but we can't tell you what it is. Because then it would be an outside joke.)

Rob remembering that time when Cougar Cathy told him about her dream....that he was in..."I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth."

Zombie Rob doing the Robot. "Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust...eat.....BRAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS....to Top 40 pop music while doing the only dance move that dorky white guys know how to do"

We grabbed all these from Robsessed. Thanks for the one-stop-shop for all our Robert Pattinson needs!

P.S. Dear Blogger,

Your randomness when it comes to spacing is giving us whiplash. Can you please not be on crack while we're trying to post?

Thanks,

Andee and Grey

Rob and a Wall. What does that make YOU think about?

We joke about Lower Alabama, but we do it with love. To tell you the truth, it's not that bad. While we definitely don't have all the fancy-schmancy things that a New York or a Los Angeles has, we work with what we've got.

And what Dothan, Alabama, has is the officially sanctioned vandalization of public property.

Boy, thug life sure loses it's edge when it's okie-dokie with The Man.

No, Dothan doesn't have gangs who tag our buildings (which we are very thankful for). What we do have are a bunch of downtown buildings with murals all over them. In fact, Dothan is a "Mural City." A local artist has painted 19 murals on buildings, each depicting a different piece of Wiregrass History.

Here's one honoring the Peanut, featuring Dr. George Washington Carver and the National Peanut Festival:

And another depicting the abduction of Elizabeth Stewart Dill, the only female survivor of an Indian attack on a U.S. Army supply boat:

Grey gets to work in a building that has BOTH sides painted with murals. One side shows the oldest African Methodist Episcopal Church in Alabama:

And the other side has Country Music legends:

Here is my favorite mural, dedicated to that most noble of animal--The Mule.

"Hey, Shrek, I'm on a mural!"

Ok, so while each mural showcases an important piece of Wiregrass history, some of them are pretty funny, like The Ode To Mules above. Another one you have to love is the Turpentine mural. Yes, that's right--an artist spent weeks depicting the once-great importance of turpentine. We hope everyone can appreciate the irony of it taking weeks to paint a mural about turpentine.

Turpentine, while a very important part of Wiregrass commerce back in the Stone Age, is kind of boring. We wish that they would let us choose some of the mural subjects. Then you would have awesome murals like this one:

OMG, Taylor is such a showoff.

Now this mural would really pull in some tourism.

Reason #3 Rob Should Visit Lower Alabama: Have You Ever Eaten a Fried Hot Pocket?

One day back when the little-film-that-could, Twilight, was being promoted, Robert Pattinson expressed his fondness for the Hot Pocket. Today, through the power of the Internet and the hilarious conjectures of our favorite Twilight bloggers, it is now a well known fact that Robert Pattinson's favorite food is Hot Pockets. Because if you read it on the Internet, it must be true.



We know he would prefer to eat Hot Pockets over any other type of cuisine. We know that he saves his Hot Pocket boxes to make forts. Who knows what kind of kinky Hot Pocket stuff goes on when he and Kristen are alone? (Hot Pocket Wax? Hot stone Pocket massages? "It's My D*** in a Hot Pocket" digital shorts? WHO KNOWS?

Can you read the label? I bet Rob has this tatooed somewhere, with a little tiny Hot Pocket underneath it.

Bottom Line: Rob + Hot Pockets = True Love. We bet that Rob has had his Hot Pockets every-which-way...except one. The best one of all. Which brings us to today's Reason Rob Should Visit Lower Alabama:

WE WILL DEEP FRY HIS HOT POCKETS. (If Rob was reading this, he just fainted. We bet that's the sexiest thing a woman has ever said to him.)

If Rob didn't faint, we will give him a moment for this to sink in. We. Will. Deep Fry. Your. Hot Pockets.

"Oh, the delicious possibilities!"

See, folks in Alabama love their food fried, which is probably the main reason that we're one of the most obese states in the nation. But you can't deny that anything fried tastes so much better. Our grandmother's knew how to get us to eat our vegetables--fry them! In fact, you can deep fry ALL the major food groups:

Meats

Fried Chicken, Country Fried Steak, Fried Pork Chops, Fried Ham (fried ham, fried ham, cheese and bolegna and, after the the macaroni, we'll have HOT DOGS, pickles and lettuce, and then we'll have some more fried ham, fried ham...............ok, we're done.)

Also included are Meat Subsitutes: Fried Spam, Corn Dogs, HOT POCKETS (All Fried Meat products go directly to the Southern girl's right love handle)

From the makers of the Vampcicle...The Spamcicle! Deep fried spam on a stick. Yum-o!

Milk and Dairy

Fried Cheese Sticks, Fried Ice Cream (Left love handle)

How do you fry ice cream? It makes no sense.

Fruits and Vegetables

Fried Squash, Zuccini, Okra, Eggplant, mushrooms, French Fries, Fried Apples, Peaches, Fruit Pies (Butt, hips and thighs)

Fried okra is the best! Regular okra not so much.

Grains and Breads

Fried Corn Bread, Fried Corn Nuggets (Right to the stomach. Oh, wait--that's the beer gut. Nevermind.)

You bake regular corn bread. But you can also fry it. It's better fried, obviously.

Fats and Oils

Fried Snickers, Fried Twinkies, Fried Oreos, Fried Elephant Ears, Fried Doughnuts, FRIED COKE, (Creates double, triple, quadruple chins.)

Fried Oreos

Fried Coke, another miracle ignoring the laws of physics.

Fried Snickers.

So you see, we are expert deep fry specialists down here in the South. (Well, WE aren't. When we fry things, like pork chops, we catch them on fire and set off the smoke detector in our college apartment and have to end up taking it off the wall and opening all the doors and windows to get the smoke/smell out. But our grandmomma's are pros.) We've got the Fry Daddy, Rob....all we need is you.

Any other deep fried nightmares we've missed? Let us know what you've had at the county fair!

RobFest: Headed to a Wal-Mart Near You.

Everyone in the Twi-world has been talking about Sundance for the past few days. Yes, we know that the Sundance Film Festival is "the premier showcase for new work from American and international independent filmmakers." (Quote lifted from Wikipedia, the source of all knowledge in the known universe.)

Our very own Kristen Stewart had two films in the festival, Welcome to the Riley's and The Runaways. Now, we didn't really like Kristen Stewart when we first "met" her, but ever since she dropped that popcorn at the VMAs on national television and then went on to say, "I was just about as awkward as you thought I'd be," we loved the Stew. There is a pretty intense debate raging over at LTT regarding KStew--there have been over 400 comments. People are pretty outspoken when it comes to Stew Hate and Stew Love.

For the record, we are all about Stew Love here at WTFy'all.

But this post is not about the Stew. This post is about Stewdan...we mean, Sundance. Oh, our bad.....actually, it's not. But it's all related. *Sigh* You'll see.

There is nothing like Sundance or Cannes or anything remotely like that down here in the Wiregrass. Maybe we're stretching the truth a bit, we guess. We do have a film festival: the Johnny Mack Brown Western Festival, held every year at Landmark Park, a place where you can experience history on an 1890's living history farm, complete with an old farmhouse, smokehouse, cane mill, syrup shed, and sheep, mules, cows, chickens, goats and pigs. Drift back in time in a Victorian gazebo, a one-room schoolhouse, a drugstore and soda fountain, a country store or a turn-of-the-century church.

Wow, those kids are so happy to be running around OLD BUILDINGS.

We can't make this stuff up, people.

Anyway, back to our only film festival. Johnny Mack Brown, a Dothan native, was one of Hollywood's most famous B-movie Western stars from the 20's until the 50's. J-Mack (that's what we're going to call him) was in over 160 movies! Yes, Hollywood cranked those puppies out overnight, but still...he's Dothan's only movie star.

Hot stuff.

So each year the Johnny Mack Brown Western Festival is held at Landmark Park (we don't really know how because we didn't realize that 1890's farms had electricity...) and is sponsored by Yellawood.

Do you know what Yellawood is? It's wood...that has a yellow tag on it.

Well, duh.

This is the dude that wants you to buy Yellawood. He is the Yella Fella, and he is the owner of the company. You can watch episodes of the Adventures of YellaFella at http://www.yellafella.com/. WE CANNOT MAKE THIS STUFF UP, PEOPLE. We are not that good.

We think that the Johnny Mack Brown Western Festival sponsored by Yellawood is a good start for introducing the beauty and power of B-movies that got shot in one day important films to the Wiregrass. But as HardCore Twilight Fans, we would much rather see a festival that celebrates Robert Pattinson. We would call it RobFest. It would showcase Rob's finest films, including the cut scene from Vanity Fair, that Lord of the Rings (but with MULLETS!) rip-off Ring of the Nibelungs, the we-can't-understand-this-thriller-because-it's-British The Haunted Airman, and of course, the now-on-sale Little Ashes. Opening and closing films? Twilight and New Moon, of course.

Dude, we have GOT to see this movie.

We're actually going to need electricity to show these, so Landmark Park isn't an option. We're thinking we can project them on to the side of one of the Wal-Marts, and people can just park in the parking lot to watch. Just like a drive in. With the world's largest concession stand.

It's that Damned Ol' Rodeo

I am a child of the South. Well, technically I wasn't born in the "South" south (Andee: For real, she talked like a 30-year-old Yankee in a 2nd grader's body), I was born in Florida--and not the redneck part--but I've lived in LA since I was five, so I guess I am a child of the South by the law of you've-lived-there-a-freaking-long-time-stop-trying-to-be-a-poser-and-just-accept-it-YOU'RE-SOUTHERN.

But I digress. I always digress, but Andee says that makes it fun (Andee: Always!). Anyway, even though I live in the South, I really don't care for too many southern things. I don't like tanning beds, I HATE most country music, I don't ride horses, I don't own cowboy boots or Wrangler blue jeans.

But somehow I spent my entire weekend at a rodeo.

No bull.

Ok, so I know how I ended up there. One of mine and Andee's best friends owns a rodeo arena, and they put on a bull riding event that benefited the charity organization that I work for. It was really great of them to donate to us, so I was happy to go. I was just so out of place. The only people who talked to me at my booth were ladies who were asking where the bathroom was. Then the rodeo clown told everybody that I "was going home with him tonight." (Andee: You should have totally taken him up on that offer!)

This is what Andee thinks I should be going home with. I guess it would be worth it if I got balloon animals in the deal.

I can't even watch those sweet little high school boys fall off those bulls and narrowly escape death by cow hoof to the head. I also feel sorry for the bulls. Nobody deserves to have their genitals tied up with rope all in the name of a good time. (If you need to disagree with me, please don't do it in the comments...)

Sooooo...getting back to Twilight and away from bull balls. Since I was missing Rob on the Haiti telethon (Andee: Which I had to watch with the husband. Kinda sucked because I couldn't drool, but loved all the support everyone showed for Haiti!), I thought about him alot while watching the rodeo. I even tweeted that I would love for Rob to be in a cowboy movie (cowboy, not boy-raised-by-Indians a la Unbound Captives), because chaps were freaking sexy. So that got Andee and I to thinking what other kind of Southern movies we would like to see Rob in. We came up with three, and we like to bring you the first edition of "Rob's Remakes," where we take perfectly good movies, put Rob in them, eff them up and make them funny. Or not funny. Whatever.

• 8 Seconds-- *For Rob's clarification: This is NOT instructions on microwaving Hot Pockets. You have nuked so many in your lifetime, you know it takes longer than that. We have NOT invented a super-fast Hot Pocket microwaving technique.* **Note to Andee from Grey: I have a little project that we need to be working on...** Rob is as a rising star on the pro rodeo circuit, taming wild bulls and winning the affection of a slacker games carney at the county fair. His rise to the top is stalled when he himself falls in love with a rodeo clown, and their forbidden love threatens to destroy everything. (Alternate ending--Rob falls in love with the bull.) Everybody knows that cowboys walk funny from all that ridin' and probably those chaps. Rob has the wonky walk DOWN.
  
  
  
  
  
  At least Rob can keep his plaid.
  
  
  
  
• Gone With the Wind--Rob stars as Rhett Butler in this modern-day remake of the epic classic. When Rhett first sees Scarlett O'Hara, the town's most famous 16-year-old-pretending-to-be-an-18-year-old stripper, he is immediately infatuated with her. But
  Scarlett has another passion--cooking, specifically with oregano. Throughout a very inopportune vampire war and the devastating legalization of brothels which threatens to put Scarlett's "Show-But-No-Tail" strip joint out of business, Rhett pursues Scarlett, but she can't see anything other than her oregano-based recipes. When she finally realizes that it's Rhett and not oregano she loves, it's too late--Rhett has left her to attend a school for witches and wizards in England. (It's really long because they have to fully develop the vampire war, but it's totally worth it.)
  
  
  
  So I totally made this...
  
  
  
  
  
  ....but then remembered that I saw THIS today.
  
  
• Smokey and the Bandit--Rob is Bo Bandit, a legendary truck driver known for makin'
  the fast hauls. A mysterious stranger offers the makers of Hot Pockets $10 million dollars if they can deliver a semi-truck full of Pepperoni Hot Pockets across the United States in four days. Hot Pocket hires Bo to make it happen. Bo's travel across the US is one big high speed chase as Joe Green, the country's largest organic farmer who wants to rid the world of microwaved products, tries to stop him. When Bo finally makes it to his destination, the back of the truck is EMPTY. Bo doesn't get his cut of the $1 million, and the Hot Pocket makers lose their inventory. PLOT TWIST: The movie ends with a shot of Bo pulling up at an abandoned storage unit. He pulls up the door to reveal a unit FULL OF HOT POCKETS. Bo reveals that he was the mysterious stranger all along, and now has a storage unit full of FREE HOT POCKETS.

Smokey is not a flavor of Hot Pocket. It is trucker slang for the police. You cannot eat the police.

This is what happens when I attend rodeos.

Grey out.

------------------------------------------------------------------

P.S. This was in my head the ENTIRE time I wrote this. I don't like country music, but I can handle me some Garth Brooks in small doses. This dose is getting rather large.

Well, it's bulls and blood, it's dust and mud, it's the roar of a Sunday crowd,

it's the white in his knuckles, the gold in the buckle, he'll win the next go-round

it's boots, it's chaps, it's cowboy hats, it's spurs and latigo

it's the ropes and the reins and the joy and the pain and they call the thing RODEO.

Reason #2 Rob Should Visit Lower Alabama: Charitable Electronic Bingo

*Tonight is the night of George Clooney's star-studded charity telethon for Haiti. Since Rob is involved, it will obviously be a success. Or will it? LTR's Version of Tonight's Telethon . Anyway, in the spirit of "charity" comes today's post. Prayers to Haiti and good luck with the telethon, Rob! I can't watch it, and I will explain why not on Monday--Grey*

Is Rob a betting man? We're not totally sure. Of course, he IS currently dating Kristin “Sure Thing” Stewart*, so maybe he’s not into taking risks. On the other hand, he had to know that the odds of being able to handle her mullet were 50-50, and he took that action anyway, so maybe he is. If that is the case, then Rob The Gambler would have a great time in Lower Alabama, partaking in our famous Charitable Electronic Bingo.

Just like Las Vegas. Except not.

A little bit of background:

Charitable Electronic Bingo (or as the blue-haired old ladies down here lovingly pronounce it, “bang-o”) is a big issue down in the Wiregrass at the moment. See, gambling is sometimes illegal/sometimes legal in Alabama (you have to check daily to know for sure, it is very ambiguous), but bingo for charity is ok.

Now, by bingo for charity, we think what the Alabama government means is like what they do down at the Shriners Hall—smoky, crowded rooms, with older ladies sitting elbow to elbow, 12 to 24 bingo cards laid out in front of each lady, purple bingo marker firmly gripped in the right hand, teal bingo marker in the left hand (you can daub twice as fast that way!), cigarette dangling from ruby red lips. All eyes glued to the monitor, watching for the next ball to pop out, hoping—nay, PRAYING—that it is B 14, the one square needed to achieve the elusive diamond shaped B-I-N-G-O. Ahh, sweet, sweet victory for those ruby-lipped, double-daubing ladies. And for the Shriners Hospital, who gets all the proceeds from the event.

One of my favorite Roseanne episodes of all time--when Roseanne gets addicted to bingo. Double-dauber style.

I’m betting that Rob would fit right in at the Shriners Hall. I can see him now, with his one bingo card (maybe two, if he’s hasn't had too much to drink already), bingo marker in right hand, Hot Pocket in left hand (they have a microwave in the back), cigarette dangling from perfectly kissable lips that suddenly declare “BINGO!” because he just won the first round with ball N 41 and is declared Bingo King for the rest of the night. (That means every time N 41 is called out, one of the bingo bosses shouts out “Pay the King!” or something like that, and the King gets $50! So it pays to be the Bingo King.)

I just wanted to post this incredibly hot new picture of Rob. I don't know how I'm going to make it relate to bingo. Oh wait, I just typed bingo. So now it relates.

And even though everyone in the entire building looks right at him and grumbles “Got damn” (correct spelling—that is how it sounds when old southern people say GD) every time someone yells “Pay the King!”, no one would have any idea who the hell you were. Because they’ve probably never seen Twilight, or Harry Potter, or Little Ashes. (I can almost guarantee you they’ve never seen Little Ashes.) You’ll just be the Thursday Night Bingo King to them. I know you wouldn’t mind the anonymity.

And Dali was his name-o.

But we were talking about Charitable Electronic Bingo, right? Sorry. Well, CEB is nothing like Shriners Bingo. It’s more like slots, apparently. You just press a button, and your bingo card on the screen fills up electronically. If you have 5 in a row, you win! There’s this brand new, huge bingo pavilion that just opened up down here, and boy howdy, it’s hopping all the time. People are lined up to play the slots, I mean, bingo, and to mix and mingle with country music’s finest—George Jones, Lorrie Morgan, etc. Oh, that's because it’s a COUNTRY themed bingo pavilion. Open 24 hours a day, seven days a week to cater to Lower Alabama’s finest compulsive gamblers and folks just out for a good time.

So if Rob comes down on a Thursday, we can take him to the Shriners Hall for some traditional “bang-o”. We’ll stay there until they kick us out (which is 10pm, by the way) and then we’ll head down 231 South to the all night electronic bingo pavilion, turn $20 into $43.50, get sloshed on Sutter Home served chilled in a plastic cup, and JAM OUT to Kenny Rogers’ “The Gambler” all night long. “You gotta know when to hold ‘em…know when to fold ‘em…”


*We don't know if KStew's nickname is really "Sure Thing." We are not privy to whether or not she puts out. We just thought it was funny.

UPDATE: In the 10 seconds between finishing this blog post and checking out Twitter, Rob must have read this. He totally has his Electronic Bingo look nailed.

Random Southern Observation

It's been raining pretty hard here for about 24 hours. This morning on my way to work, I was listening to the dude on the radio talk about flooded roads. Which by flooded, he just meant that water was going over the road at certain points.

Except for one road...

Apparently, the amount of water present near this road was enough to knock a fence down. A fence that was used to contain cows.

So, yes.

Not only was there water in the road, but there were also cows in the water. In the road.

The dangers of flooding in Lower Alabama.

It's the cow from Twister!

Laters, baby! Grey

UPDATE: OMG, y'all. One of the cows DIED. I am so sorry that I even did this post.

Reason #1 Why Rob Pattinson Should Visit Lower Alabama: Where the Hell Are We, Anyway?

(Note: This is an ongoing series of blog posts about why Rob Pattinson, or any Twilight cast memeber for that matter, should visit us down in Lower Alabama. Yes, we know that no one is interested in visiting us, but we thought that maybe if we pestered gave Rob enough reasons, he might come.)

Rob is having a hard time right now. Every move he makes is documented by swarming hordes of paparazzi. We know that becoming an actor in this day and age means you run the risk of becoming the Next Big Thing, and that technically, he signed up for this. But it’s still hard for us to watch him have to run from a restaurant/airport/bar/dentist appointment straight to his waiting car. (Oh wait, he went to the bar AFTER his dentist appointment. Sorry.)

"Hey, doc, I'm going out to get lit after this, so I probably don't need the gas...what the hell, give it to me anyway." (LOVE the goofy dentist visit kid--is this real life? Unfortunatly yes, David.)

As someone who has spent many a night hanging in the TGI Friday’s parking lot because the conversation between friends is so awesome that you don’t want the night to end, we feel his pain. Rob can’t do that. He can’t hang out in the TGI Friday’s parking lot, hoping the buzz will wear off before he has to drive home, laughing with his buddies while leaning up against some stranger’s car door. It’s awkward enough when the dude who owns the car gives you the evil eye for touching his Altima…imagine if the paps were there blocking traffic and causing mayhem. Other customers would get fed up and walk across the parking lot to Olive Garden. (Umm, down here in Lower Alabama, our restaurants are almost always located next to other restaurants. Because after you polish off Tuscan Spinach Dip, followed by Sizzling Parmesan Cheese Pizza, with Vanilla Bean Cheesecake for desert, what are you really in the mood for? Soup, Salad, and Breadsticks, duh.)

"How did the paps know I was at TGI Fridays?"

So Rob should totally come down here to the Wiregrass Area, because we have NO PAPARAZZI. None. And why should we? Do you even know where we are? Have you ever heard of Dothan, Headland, Andalusia, Ozark, Enterprise, or Geneva, Alabama? We didn’t think so. Why would any paparazzi want to come here? We have nothing of entertainment value, except for Bama Jam, a three-day country music festival. We could absolutely promise Rob that if he chose to spend a week or two in one of the aforementioned towns, he would not be bothered.

The only map I could find showing the Wiregrass Area, and they highlight it with what apprears to be a smudge of dirt. Sooooo fitting.

However, there are a few places Rob would need to stay away from, and we will now list them for his convenience. Cause we all know that he’s Googled himself and wound up here. It’s inevitable. *E-mail us when you finally do peruse this page, Rob, and we’ll set up the travel arrangements.*

1. Wal-Mart—because everyone, EVERYONE goes to Wal-Mart, and chances are someone will recognize Rob standing in the frozen food aisle, face firmly planted to the glass door behind which are EVERY TYPE OF HOT POCKET IMAGINABLE. He would be a sitting duck, and there are a lot of duck hunters in Lower Alabama, my friend. Also, have you ever checked out People of Wal-Mart? Well, since this is the south, the possibility of snagging a picture worthy of gracing this website are HIGH. So people are walking around with their camera phones out. Just sayin.

A picture that Andee actually took at her Wal-Mart.

2. Sam’s Club—there may not be people with camera phones at the ready here, but they do have Hot Pockets...in bulk. So the same sitting duck situation applies to Sam’s Club. And not only would they have a chance to find Rob in the frozen food section, but he would be extremely vulnerable trying to push three flat-bed carts of Pepperoni Hot Pockets through the parking lot to his rental car.

3. Chick-fil-A—We're really sorry about this one, because we love waffle fries. We bet Rob does too. But the majority of people who frequent Chick-fil-a, at least when we're paying attention to these things—are teenagers and women. Now, of all the different demographics in this crazy world, which ones are most likely to recognize Rob? That’s right. (We're not saying that real manly men don’t eat at Chick-fil-a, cause Grey's fiancé luvs him some nuggets, but it just seems like the only people who are in line with us are teenagers and women.)

Dear Chick-fil-a: Don't sue us. We have nothing to give you...except ourselves, which is nothing to get excited about. Just laugh about it, ask us to take it down, and we will.

4. Wiregrass Commons Mall—there is only one Hot Topic in the Wiregrass area, and it is located here. There is also a Chick-fil-a in the food court. Oh, and IT IS A FREAKING MALL. Full of teenagers and women. Three strikes, you’re out.

So Rob, just let us know. We'll make all the Hot Pocket runs to Wal-Mart for you.